Northerners (was: Re: Southerners (jara: Second report on Koni'))

En réponse à Jan van Steenbergen <ijzeren_jan@...>:

>
> Don't believe him, folks!
Don't believe *him*!! He is trying to mislead you!

 I know this is exactly what we make them
> believe in
> order to keep them quiet and happy, but let me share a little secret
> with you.
> We gave them Philips with only one purpose: to keep them occupied and
> to
> prevent their disorganized, barbarian hordes from raiding our cities. I
> still
> remember the day when members of a Southern tribe actually saw a
> lightbulb for
> the first time. They immediately fell down in admiration, because at
> first they
> thought it was some kind of divine being. But after we explained the
> principle
> behind it (which took us quite some time of course, but the investment
> was
> definitely worth the cause ;))) ), they finally started to play with
> them.
> Eventually they changed their sheep skins for overalls, and until today,
> they
> build those lightbulbs with great enjoyment, for their own good and our
> profit.
> ;)))))
>
Those Northerners are extremely good at revisionism, aren't they? :)) The true
story is that the North never gave anything to the South except headaches (the
kind educated loving parents get from slow-minded difficult children :)) ). The
first time Northerners saw a light bulb from a Southerner, they were scared to
death! They ran away to their temples and prayed their gods to spare them :)) .
It took Southerners generations to explain them that it was a pure physical
process. And you might think that they would have learned their lesson, but the
first time the Southerners showed a laser to the Northerners, those were again
scared to death and ran away to their temples again! It is told that the
Northerners' gods, seeing the spectacle, were so ashamed of their people that
they decided to leave them and deny now any connection with them :)) . I've
been told that by a Northerner of course, the Southerners don't need barbarian
gods and believe in true reason and civilisation. Now they are busy explaining
the Northerners that those little disks of plastic and silicium (which have
been invented by the Southerners without *any* intervention of the Northerners,
who are too busy praying trying to get back the attention of their gods ;)) )
are not plates, but devices to store big amounts of information (a Northerner's
mind has difficulty accepting the idea that such a small device can contain so
much. It's not their fault, they have not been trained to handle complex
concepts like Southerners have ;))) ). Luckily, the amount of Northerners that
have heard the voice of reason and accepted the civilizing influence of the
South is growing steadily. As for claims like the one you've read to which I'm
replying, the Southerners look at them with amusement. They know that those
stories cannot convince somebody older than 5. They find the Northerners' self-
deception rather funny, like those parents who find it cute for a child to have
an imaginary friend :) . Of course they expect the Northerners to grow up
someday, but they are patient, and patience pays ;)) .

Now you know what to do when you hear a Northerner pretend that they are the
source of the Dutch civilisation ;)) . Don't believe them, but don't treat them
of liars. They actually believe what they are saying!! ;))

Christophe.

http://rainbow.conlang.free.fr

It takes a straight mind to create a twisted conlang.