"pu ni nang" haiku translation

Just for fun, I thought I'd post a haiku by Akutagawa (English version here:
http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/#akutagawa) that I translated into my conlang
"pu ni nang" ("Language of hope"). Despite the name, this is no auxlang. I
just like hope, so I gave the language this name :-). So, here's the poem
(it's no longer a haiku in "pu ni nang"):
ngi mau te wa nang ni oe,
koei wa toeu wa keyn
nu o lu ni tang a?
(oe -> [2,9], y -> [y])
And here's a literal translation:
GEN  genitive marker
SUBJ subject marker
OBJ  object marker
VOC  vocative conjunction
ADV  adverb marker
OPPOSITE opposite marker
VOC animal colour ADV hope GEN water,
paint ADV also ADV fresh SUBJ OBJ body of OPPOSITE I?
Notes:
"animal colour ADV hope GEN water" is any green (colour of hope) living
being that lives in water. Adverbs can't be part of a genitive construction,
so the GEN water refers to the animal.
Adverbs marked with ADV never modify other adverbs, so both ADV also and ADV
fresh modify paint.
The opposite of I (source) is you(target), so OPPOSITE I -> you.
This can also be done with pa (no, not): pa a -> not I -> he/she/it.
If SUBJ or OBJ or a preposition is followed directly by another preposition
or the end of the sentence, the role of the non-present noun would be filled
with one in English. So SUBJ OBJ is similar to a passive, but only in usage.