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[KatharineKerr] God Save the Queen

From:Dan Jones <feuchard@...>
Date:Sunday, November 19, 2000, 11:00
----- Original Message -----
From: Marcus <mcmahonm@...>
To: <KatharineKerr@...>
Sent: Sunday, November 19, 2000 7:44 AM
Subject: [KatharineKerr] God Save the Queen

> Sorry, but I know that there are a few Americans on the list that might > appreciate this... or not!..... Not surprisingly, this was sent to me by a > Canadian! > > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE > > To the citizens of the United States of America, > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus > to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties > over > all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which > she > does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP > for > the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a > world > outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the > need > for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A > questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of > you > noticed. > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > rules > are introduced with immediate effect: > > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be > amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you > should > raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
> the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as > "like" and > "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
> up "interspersed". > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know > on your behalf. > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. > It really isn't that hard. > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as > the good guys. > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The > Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you
> get confused and give up half way through. > > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one > kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a
> good > game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your > borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You > will > no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a > difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to > play > rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body > armour like > nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens > side by 2005. > > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons > if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that > there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
> Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit". > > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive > Day". > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for > your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
> mean. > > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > > Thank you for your cooperation. > > > -------------------------- eGroups Sponsor -------------------------~-~> > Create your business web site your way now at > It's the fast, easy way to get online, to promote your business, > and to sell your products and services. Try now. > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------_-> > > >