[KatharineKerr] God Save the Queen
|From:||Dan Jones <feuchard@...>|
|Date:||Sunday, November 19, 2000, 11:00|
----- Original Message -----
From: Marcus <mcmahonm@...>
Sent: Sunday, November 19, 2000 7:44 AM
Subject: [KatharineKerr] God Save the Queen
> Sorry, but I know that there are a few Americans on the list that might
> appreciate this... or not!..... Not surprisingly, this was sent to me by a
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus
> to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
> all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
> does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
> the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
> outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
> for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".Using
> the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
> "like" and
> "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.Look
> up "interspersed".
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
> on your behalf.
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It really isn't that hard.
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> the good guys.
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want youto
> get confused and give up half way through.
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one
> kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not avery
> game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
> no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play properfootball.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
> difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
> rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour like
> nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> side by 2005.
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
> if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
> there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.The
> Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
> your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand whatwe
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
> Thank you for your cooperation.
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