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HUMOUR: genders in English?

From:J Y S Czhang <czhang23@...>
Date:Thursday, April 4, 2002, 8:33
~ this was sent to me & I thought this would be somewhat amusin':

Male And Female
From the _Invitation_, in which it was postulated that English should have
male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of
their choice and explain their reason. The best submissions:

SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide
variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a
fire under it. . . and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER: Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. Because
it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed.
Because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see
right through them.

SUBWAY: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS: Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER: Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but
it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL: Female. . . Ha!. . . you thought I'd say male. But consider,
it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always
know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

"Assassins!" ~ Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957), to his orchestra

Hanuman Zhang {HANoomaan JAHng}/'hanuma~n  dZahN/
        Avatar of Sun WuKong,
        a.k.a. "Monkey," a.k.a. "TricksterGod of Chinese Boxers"

~ om hung hanumatay rudratmakai hung phat ~
        mantra to Hanuman the Hindu Monkey TricksterGod

    ~§~ xaos ~§~
Hail to thee TricksterGods! Io Thee ChaosGodhead!!!
~§~  thee Prizc ov Existenz iz Ætern'l Warfær 'n' Creativ Playf'llniz  ~§~