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Re: "if that makes any difference"

From:Mark J. Reed <markjreed@...>
Date:Tuesday, March 1, 2005, 22:06
On Tue, Mar 01, 2005 at 12:03:40AM +0100, Andreas Johansson wrote:
> "Concerned" may be a strong word, but I don't like people thinking I'm things > I'm not. I'm not gay, so I don't like people to think I'm gay. I find it > slightly hard to accept that this should imply I think there's something wrong > with being gay, female, old, having a job, being Estonian, Italian, brown-eyed, > ... the list goes on. >
It's a question of emphasis, I guess. I mean, people are unlikely to think you're female, old, Estonian, or brown-eyed if you're not any of those things, but homosexuality isn't necessarily apparent. And it shouldn't be *so* important that you *not* be mistaken for gay that you have to put a bumper sticker on your car that says "I'm not gay". Now, in the interests of honesty I should point out that I'm not likely to be taken for a gay man, in general - if I show up as a blip on anyone's gaydar, they need to recalibrate. But I've been out with gay friends, one-on-one in situations and environments where the tacit assumption by those around us would naturally be that we were on a date, and that doesn't bother me in the slightest - as long as my "date" knows better, and isn't personally entertaining any false romantic (or less-high-minded) hopes. I suppose temperament enters into it. In general, I don't care that much what other people think about me, period. I mean, I like to be liked, who doesn't? And I try to be nice and polite and considerate and all that good socially obligatory stuff. But beyond that, it doesn't matter to me much what other people are saying behind my back or speculating about or what have you. Every day people make all sorts of tactit assumptions about me based on our culture which aren't true: that I'm a Christian, for instance. Or they may see the wedding ring on my finger and make all sorts of assumptions about my relationship with my wife that aren't necessarily true. Correcting such misapprehensions is in general a waste of time and effort, unless somehow relevant to my interaction with the misapprehender. -Marcos

Replies

Andreas Johansson <andjo@...>
Sally Caves <scaves@...>Getting off topic, was: "difference"