Re: "if that makes any difference"

On Tue, Mar 01, 2005 at 12:03:40AM +0100, Andreas Johansson wrote:
> "Concerned" may be a strong word, but I don't like people thinking I'm things
> I'm not. I'm not gay, so I don't like people to think I'm gay. I find it
> slightly hard to accept that this should imply I think there's something wrong
> with being gay, female, old, having a job, being Estonian, Italian, brown-eyed,
> ... the list goes on.
>
It's a question of emphasis, I guess.   I mean, people are unlikely
to think you're female, old, Estonian, or brown-eyed if you're not any
of those things, but homosexuality isn't necessarily apparent.  And
it shouldn't be *so* important that you *not* be mistaken for gay that
you have to put a bumper sticker on your car that says "I'm not gay".

Now, in the interests of honesty I should point out that I'm not likely
to be taken for a gay man, in general - if I show up as a blip on
anyone's gaydar, they need to recalibrate.  But I've been out with gay
friends, one-on-one in situations and environments where the tacit
assumption by those around us would naturally be that we were on a date,
and that doesn't bother me in the slightest - as long as my "date" knows
better, and isn't personally entertaining any false romantic (or
less-high-minded) hopes.

I suppose temperament enters into it.  In general, I don't care that
much what other people think about me, period.  I mean, I like to be
liked, who doesn't?  And I try to be nice and polite and considerate and
all that good socially obligatory stuff.  But beyond that, it doesn't
matter to me much what other people are saying behind my back or
speculating about or what have you.  Every day people make all sorts of
tactit assumptions about me based on our culture which aren't true: that
I'm a Christian, for instance.  Or they may see the wedding ring on my
finger and make all sorts of assumptions about my relationship with my
wife that aren't necessarily true.  Correcting such misapprehensions
is in general a waste of time and effort, unless somehow relevant to my
interaction with the misapprehender.

-Marcos

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