Easy-Bake 2-step holiday conlang recipe

It's the holiday season, and as much as you'd like to
be able to take the time to cook up a full-blown seven
course conlang with all the trimmings, you have
friends and family visiting from out of town and you
need some quick and easy recipes for tossing together
a few conlangs on short notice.

But you don't want to disappoint your visitors either,
so you want your holiday conlangs to have that full,
rich flavor everyone has come to expect from you.

So here's a quick and easy two-step recipe for cooking
up an isolating holiday conlang in a hurry with
nothing more than a 32 ounce bottle of disinflectant
and a large can of thaw-and-serve relexification.

Step 1. Uncork the bottle of disinflectant and
dis-inflect English completely, garnishing with
particles as needed.  You might also dream up a few
new verbs to ease the load on some of the overworked
verbs like "to be".

Step 2. Now that the grammar is completely different
from English, simply fold and stir the word order and
relexify to taste. Then serve piping hot.

For the complete recipe and all the details of
applying the two steps to the first 30 or so sentences
of the McGuffey corpus, see
http://fiziwig.com/twostep.txt

Serving suggestion:

25. Ned is on the box.
26. He has a pen in his hand.
27. A big rat is in the box.
28. Can the dog catch the rat?
...
25. Ned he bin saiten upon the box.
26. He have im pen that it saiten in hand blongta he.
27. Big rat he saiten im in the box.
28. The dog he able to catch im the rat, eh?
...
25. Ned ele bin saiten sopar di bindu.
26. Ele pozo im kursu senu eta saiten oda aklu blongta
ele.
27. Grusa dentu ele saiten im oda di bindu.
28. Di kopu ele kinto dua trecho im di dentu, eh?

Note that because every word in disinflected English
has one and only one form, after translation to
disinflected English the relexification can be
accomplished with the search and replace function of
your favorite word processor.

--gary