Re: CHAT: poetry, particularly three rings (was Re: Intergermansk - Three Rings)
|From:||Mark J. Reed <markjreed@...>|
|Date:||Saturday, January 29, 2005, 23:54|
On Sat, Jan 29, 2005 at 05:40:35PM +1100, Tristan McLeay wrote:
> I think rhythm is much more important than rhyme to good poetry.
I think both are important.
> instance, in the second half of this poem, the rhythm is quite strong
> and regular and the verse is good and strong, but there is no rhyming*
> at all
Eh? The second half certainly does rhyme. If you discount the
"all/all" rhyme because it's the same word, you still have "bind them"
and "find them". Which doesn't count as a same-word rhyme because the
stressed foot is on the first syllable.
> >/ / ^ ^ / ^ ^ / ^ ^ /
> either that or:
> / / ^ ^ / ^ / / ^ ^ /
> >Three rings for the Elven-kings under the sky
> >/ (^) ^ ^ / ^ ^ / ^ ^ /
> / ^ ^ ^ / / ^ ^ / ^ /
> >Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone
> >/ ^ ^ / ^ ^ / ^ /
> / ^ ^ / / / ^ / /
> >One for the Dark Lord on his Dark ThroneI can read both lines either way. My version doesn't feel unnatural;
e.g. the stress on "their" feels like a natural emphasis on the
distinction between the Elves and the Dwarves. "THEY are under the Sky,
while THESE guys are in stone halls."
> >In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie
> >/ ^ / ^ / ^ / ^ / ^ /
> this is perhaps the only one I find better than how I'd been reading
> it, which was:
> ^ ^ / ^ / ^ ^ ^ / ^ /
Yeah, your way doesn't feel at all rhythmic to me
> I think your form has more repeatability, but it's overly bouncy...
The whole thing is "bouncy", really. Intense, beat beat beat beat.
I think it's intentional. :)