For Arda-Lang People
|From:||David Peterson <digitalscream@...>|
|Date:||Friday, August 3, 2001, 20:28|
Sorry I'm posting this to this list, but for some reason, I was booted
from the group, somehow, so I can't post messages to the website.
I absolutely LOVE the Tian text! I only have one little quabble that the
writer in me has to point out:
<<1. When Tian was old and near death, he then sent out his followers,
> telling them not to follow him any more, but instead to spread his
> word amongst the peoples of the world. At that time the world was of
> one language and one method of speech, and Tian knew this, and smiled.>>
In that very first sentence, "telling them not to follow him anymore" can
be worded better, I think (especially since it's also implying that he's
telling them to stop listening to him completely [or was that intended?]).
How about "asking them to cease their attentions". Actually, I think that
phrase can be left out completely... Because if they're going to spread his
word, they have to continue to "follow him", in a metaphorical sense. Unless
you meant literally follow him around, as people did Jesus and Socrates. But
I got the impression that he was old and bed-ridden. How about "When Tian
was old and near death, he sent out his followers to spread his word amongst
the peoples of the world"?