Re: OT: Children and video games

Jan van Steenbergen wrote:

>  --- Benct Philip Jonsson skrzypszy:
>
>
>>I'm sorry for this completely OT question, but since you guys
>>are my best friends on the net I put this question to those
>>among you who are parents.
>>
>>My six year old son has become totally obsessed with video
>>games.  He either plays sports games on the computer, or
>>watches sport on the TV, and has totally creased to play
>>in the more traditional sense.  We don't want him to play
>>*all* the time, but when we try to make him do other things
>>he flies into a rage. So my question to the parents among
>>you is: what is your parental policy on video games?
>
>
> Ouch, that's bad! Well, since Suzanne is almost three now I can't
> really give you any advise based on my own experience. But a good
> friend of mine, whose son is 10 now, has similar problems.
>
> Introducing a time limit would probably be the best thing to do for
> both TV and games. Say, no longer than one hour a day of each. Or
> even, one hour a day of both of them (in which case he'll have the
> right to choose... and thus, one addiction fights another). In
> weekends, you can eventually double the amount of time.
The problem is that we are powerless when it comes to the
big boys: théy will ignore any time limit we set, and
Philip just can't see it as fair that there should be a
time limit on his playing, the 13 year age difference
notwithstanding (which he also doesn't fully understand:
after all they all call Mommy Mommy, right?).  Trying to
make the bigguns play only after the litlun has gone to
bed helps to some degree.  We also have made a rule that
each family member is to choose one TV program aday,
which means he can't watch *all* the sports shows, and
that programs after 8 PM are off limits for him.

It's not that we are clueless or lax parents, it's just
that we have problems with making the little boy understand
that he can't live by the same rules as the big ones.

> In the case of my friend, this works to some degree.
>
> Another thing I can think of is allowing it only on the odd days.
> IMO, this is an excellent way to prevent addiction.
>
> If none of this works, well, then you may consider following
> Cristina's suggestion and get rid of the stuff altogether. But that's
> not my preferred solution: by disallowing it altogether you may turn
> it into a forbidden fruit.
Exactly.  That's what my father achieved by forbidding
conlanging and fantasy literature! :)

> About the rage thing: remember that yóu are the parent, and that yóu
> are the one running the show, not he. Sometimes you'll just need to
> be tough. If he flies into rage, well, let him... neglect him, and if
> that doesn't work, expel him to his room. I know how hard that can
> be, BTW!
Yeah.  It's not that I/we can't handle his rages, but I would
prefer them to come less often...

> Another thing to remember is that the other members of the family
> need to give him a good example, which with two older kids at home
> may be difficult.
Tell me about it!

> Talk to them, and make sure that they don't watch
> TV all the time eithre when little Philip is around; it's
> unforgivable to forbid something to one member of the family while
> allowing it to some other.
Indeed.  Thàt's precisely the problem, and to control what shows
the big ones watch when Philip's awake and around...

> Oh, and don't forget to offer him an alternative. Play non-electronic
> games with him, like chess.
That's a bit too complicated for him.  But he likes more juvenile
board games and is developing a taste for checkers and backgammon!

> Convince him to start reading, or
Well, he likes to borrow sports novels aimed at a teenage
audience.  I don't know how much he understands, but he has
me reading the stuff to him.  Usually he is silent during
the passages that describe sports events, but starts asking
questions that indicate he's clueless during the passages
describing social relations -- or falls asleep.

> drawing,
He does that.  Cars, soccer-players, hockey-players, monsters
-- the usual stuff for a 6 y.o. boy.

> or building,
He does Lego too, tho less and less, which is what concerns me.

> or whatever. Six is also a very good age to
> start playing a musical instrument
Except that noone else in the family is musically talented.

>(but don't send him anywhere
> unless he wants to).
Yeah, there is that too.

/BP 8^)
--
Benct Philip Jonsson -- melroch at melroch dot se

         Solitudinem faciunt pacem appellant!
                                             (Tacitus)

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