What follows is not a critique of your poem; I'm just wondering if the
changes from JRRT's original are the result of translating from Hungarian
(or some other language) or if they are adaptations made necessary by
Long Wer poetics (or plain lack of vocabulary).
Mau Rauszer scripsit:
> Elda.wer.e.sse sehem wu ruya.u
> Elf.great.ATT.SOC mighty 3 ring.PL
> (there is) with the Great Elves, three powerful ring
The location "under the sky" is omitted.
> Yew ta Nauq.q.e sil.ah per.u.d.it
> 7 the Dwarf.DAT.ATT shine.AP house.PL.LOC.in
> For the Dwarves in shiny places, seven.
"Shiny places"? JRRT says "halls of stone".
> R=FAya wa Neb Dua.q angewiant' (full form: angewiante)
> ring 1 Lord Dark.DAT cunning-to-death
> One Ring for the Dark Lord who's cunning to his death
"who's cunning to his death" for "on his dark throne".
> Lanzi.d e-Mordor u d=FAat.u r=E9.d.
> Land.LOC ATT.Mordor be.3pl shadow.PL day(time).LOC
> In the land of Mordor (where) there're shadows in the daytime
This doesn't make much sense to me in any language: where are there
shadows *except* in the daytime?
--
John Cowan jcowan@reutershealth.com www.ccil.org/~cowan www.reutershealth.com
"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on
the shoulders of giants."
--Isaac Newton