A (partial) poem in Kash/translation exercise?

Here are the first 6 lines of a poem translated from Engl. (published, not
by me-- I wonder if anyone will recognize it as I'm not sure how well known
the author is)-- with two possible interlinearizations.  The first is, I
gather, the preferred format for the new relay; the second is how Nicole's
fairy-poem came to me/was sent on. (I''ll send No.2 separately, as this is
turning out to be rather long).

RINJURA LUHUWI

nimbukra:  anju hat ana kukasa
ciyu-ciyur, ñushup rukaramsa
vara hatrik-mandrik eshuñani, harep luhuni,
melo rundonot ambita yu liri karanji–

Interlinear:
rinjura  luwu-i
noun   noun-gen

nimbur-ka   anju      hat        ana  kuka-sa
vb-imper.    conj. pron/emph. n.    vb-past

ciyu-ciyur, ñushup ruñ-haram-sa
adv/redup.   noun    caus-vb.-past

vara ha-trik-mañ-trik eshuña-ni, harep luhu-ni
conj. 2s-vb-pfx-vb    noun-sfx     vb    noun-sfx

melo   ruñ-lonot   añ-pita  yu   liri   karam-ci
vb      caus-vb     pfx-vb   dem prep  n-dimin.

Grammatical notes:  vb-mañ-vb indicates reciprocal action; sfx. -ni 3d pers.
poss. marker, also serves to make a noun definite; pfx. añ- forms abstract
nouns < vbs.

Glossary:   rinjura song;  luhu blood; nimbur to remember; anju time ~when;
hat 2sing; ana child; kuka to sit; ciyur circle; ñushup needle; haram to be
ready; vara in order, so that; trik to prick, poke; eshuña finger; harep to
remove, extract; melo to want; lonot sated; satisfied; pita to need; yu
(=iyu) that, the def.; liri concerning, with respect to; karam special/very
close friend

Is this clear?  Too bare-bones? Can it be figured out?