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Anyone for spelling reform?

From:Paul Bennett <paul.bennett@...>
Date:Wednesday, October 27, 1999, 11:14
Came across this while cleaning out my old mail (as part of trying to make a
searchable conlang archive, but that's another story...).  I wish I'd found it
during one of the "spelling reform" threads, but here it is, anyway, for your
delight and delecation...

The latest news from Europe:

The European Union commissioners announced today that agreement has been reached
to adopt English as the preferred language standard for European communications,
rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year
phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".  Sertainly, sivil
servants will resieve this news with joy.  Also, the hard "c" will be replased
with "k".  Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one
less letter.  There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome "ph" will be
replased by "f".  This will make works like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling.  Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the
languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z"
and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou",
and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.  Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evirvun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

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