Re: CHAT: Hymn to Ikea (was: Re: Re: CHAT: F.L.O.E.S.

Quoting Ray Brown <ray.brown@...>:

> On Wednesday, February 25, 2004, at 02:34 PM, Mark J. Reed wrote:
>
> > On Wed, Feb 25, 2004 at 10:44:37AM +0100, Andreas Johansson wrote:
> >> Also, how do Downundrians pronounce "IKEA"? Some monstrosity like
> >> [ajki:@], no doubt? (Swedish [Ike:a])
> >
> > That monstrosity is a pretty accurate representation of how we
> > Leftpondians
> > pronounce it, FWIW.  You didn't indicate emphasis, but it falls on the
> > [ki:].
>
> The monstrosity is also the way I hear it pronounced over here in
> Rightpondia,  with the stress on [ki:]. I mean, how else do you expect
> IKEA to be pronounced? The average 'anglophone in the street' hasn't a
> clue how Swedish is pronounced  ;)
I did guess [aj'ki:@], didn't I? (OK, except I neglected to indicate stress.)
But there was always some change it might've been loaned on pronunciation
rather than spelling, presumably then ending up as [I'ki:@] or [I'kej@], and I
figure [aj kej i: ej] would also been a possibility.

(What's the deal with the name of the letter 'k', BTW; in school we were
taught [ki:], but everyone and their great aunt's poodle seems to be saying
[kej]?)

Quoting And Rosta <a.rosta@...>:

> Andreas Johansson:
> > Quoting And Rosta <a.rosta@...>:
> >
> > > Tristan:
> > > > I have a job at IKEA.
> > >
> > > I'll thank you not to mention such unspeakable things!
> > >
> > > If I ever organize an international terror network
> > > of mujahideen sworn to destroy the canker that destroys
> > > the fabric of virtuous society, its target of targets
> > > will be that swedish fount of evil. Like most people,
> > > I used to be mildly pro-Sweden until I was cast into
> > > the inferno that is I**a. Now blue and yellow -- and
> > > the Scandinavian style consensual egalitarian social
> > > democracy embodied by that den of iniquity -- fills me
> > > with unutterable horror.
> >
> > I'm not exactly IKEA's greatest fan, but what exactly
> > makes it a "fount of evil" and an "inferno"?
>
> First of all, Andreas, you must understand that I have
> nothing against Swedes as individuals. I have nothing
> but the tenderest sentiments for Swedes: you and
> Ingrid Bergman are examples that spring to mind
> immediately.
I think that's the first time I've seen myself mentioned in the same sentence
as Ingrid Bergman.

> "Fount of evil" is a slight exaggeration; but "inferno"
> isn't. Old timers will already have heard my Ikea rants
> (not just a peculiarity of mine -- somebody set up a site
> called www.ihateikea.com, to act as a forum for the many
> possessed by the same searing antipathy, but got
> threatened with a lawsuit by Ikea & had to take it down),
> so I will be brief. (Note, incidentally, that anti-Ikeaism
> has two distinct strands, the one a sibling of anti-
> Starbucksism, which opposes the coercive commercial
> homogenization of culture and lifestyle, and the other,
> which is the strand I am affiliated to, which believes
> Ikea to be guilty of crimes against not culture but
> humanity.)
Well, that's alot nobler than the reason for my aversion to Starbucks - I
simply hold that Americans can't possibly make good coffee. (Of course, since
I wouldn't want to risk getting a cup of poor coffee, I'm unlikely ever to
actually try American coffee. Any prejudice worth its salt ensures that it
won't be confronted with evidence that might disprove it.)

> 3. Ikea stores are located in locations that it requires
> a hajj to reach. You cannot pop out to Ikea. You cannot
> visit Ikea as part of going to the shops or going into
> town. No, you visit Ikea as part of nothing but visiting
> Ikea.
Believe it or not, there are families who make going to IKEA a full-day social
event. Despite this, the one in Linköping is conveniently located a short
distance from downtown, and in the middle of an agglomeration of shopping
malls. Within a square kilometre, you can buy pretty much everything you might
legally want to buy, except real estate, ships, and governmental bonds.

[snip]
> Glossing over this agony, let us fastforward
> to when you have paid -- which process requires you
> to single-handedly unload and reload your trolley.
That's known as corporate social responsibility - even IKEA does its part to
combat the rising tide of obesity.

> You then discover that Ikea do not deliver goods to
> your home, for surely every decent citizen drives a
> car -- a Volvo estate presumably. -- I cannot continue
> the narrative: recollecting the tribulations is taking
> too high a toll on my sanity.
Gotta agree with Tristan here - they do do home delivers where I'm from. That
said, even getting to an IKEA store without a car is quite a feat in my
experience. Carless people I know usually borrow one for the IKEA hajj.

> 6. You get the stuff home. Of course, 10% of the
> components of the furniture you still have to assemble
> are broken. Another 10% are simply missing. Try phoning
> the store and rue the day: yes, the phone will sometimes
> eventually answer, but when it answers it will merely
> play you muzak. No: you have two choices: build 80%
> of a wardrobe, or take everything back to the store,
> queue for a refund, and repeat the entire process over
> and over again until you learn to settle for the 80%
> wardrobe.
Nothing I or anyone in my family has ever bought from IKEA has been defect.
However, I have heard quite a few horrid tales of people queuing for hours to
exchange a broken detail.

> These are just a few of the many reasons I'm not fond of
> Ikea. In this short space I have not been able to do
> justice to them, alas. Merely listing all Ikea's crimes
> would take a large team of prosecutors many months if
> not years.
I'm only surprised you haven't mentioned the terrible, patronizing names they
give to their products, for no apparent purpose beyond making the unfortunate
customer feel embarassed and belittled.

                                                      Andreas

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