Re: CHAT! Alien-ness (was Re: I'm new!)

On Sat, Oct 21, 2000 at 11:03:16PM -0400, Yoon Ha Lee wrote:
[snip]
> O fortunate person.  I talk to God and occasionally to an imaginary
> friend/alter ego.  Or to my boyfriend.  :-p
Not to be offensive to anyone who don't share my views, but God is the
only reason I'm still alive today. Although I always tried to convince
myself that I liked being weird and isolated from everyone else, I just
couldn't reconcile it with my true feelings, and many times contemplated
suicide or something similar. It was only when I discovered the constant
presence of God in my spirit and His constant sympathy that I got out of
my emotional crisis.

[snip]
> <nod>  Absolutely.  I had a quasi-feud going one year with a
> socialite/gossip who just couldn't make sense of me (nor I of her), but
[snip]

In HS I just kept to myself and ignored those who mocked me, sometimes
feeding off the frustration as extra motivation to create and invent. I
did have one or two close friends, but that's all. I did get into fights
when the provocation persisted, though, but in general, I just stayed away
from it all. In some ways, it's good, because more time was spent doing
constructive things (well, constructive in the sense of creating/inventing
new things, not necessarily useful), but sometimes I regret that my social
skills are next to nil because of my constant keeping to myself.

[snip]
> While I rarely get along in close contact with conventionally "normal"
> people, I *have* learned much from them.  I have to stop myself from the
> knee-jerk reaction of not taking "normal" people seriously (and often
> resenting them, too), because it's a mistake I've made once too often.
> Who am I to condemn, with what little knowledge I have, another path
> taken?  :-)
[snip]

I've learned to stay calm and listen to what the other side has to say (as
long as they don't deliberately try being provocative, that is). But that
doesn't mean I'll agree with them... I *still* find herd mentality
repulsive. I *detest* being a certain way just because everybody thinks
it's "cool" to be that way. As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy with doing
what I like to do, who cares if I look "cool" to others or not. Hmm... I
guess I'm still the stubborn egomanic mess that I was in HS :-)


T