Re: Translating from a conlang into a conlang

Well, judging by Irina's translation, I think
I've made a fool of myself when translating the
Charyan text :-(


Irina Rempt <ira@...> wrote:
> I admit that I have an unfair advantage, having known the text in
> Charyan and Dutch for years; but I'll try not to use what I already
> know.
>=20
[snip]
> > t'erneno beryakari yashnar
> iran moch farinenas chalenan
>=20
> This is where it becomes difficult. The normal Valdyan way to say
> "I'm fourteen years old" is either _iran zaran relyinen amran_ "I'm
> living in my fifteenth year" or _iran moch relyinan amrenan_ "I've
> lived fourteen years"; if someone says that she's lived fourteen
> springs, people will be tempted to ask what she did in summer, autumn
> and winter. _Farinas_ "spring" is a new compound, a use for the
> participle at last: "greening" from _farina_ "to become green", _lea
> farinat_ "spring is beginning". "I've seen fourteen springs".
I thought "spring" meant "water source, well".
Why I wouldn't know.

I have a problem similar to Irina's in Drasel=E9q. To express
you are N years old, you say "I walk with X years" or "I am
with X years" (with the stative verb _arsen_ meaning "be in
a place or position"). Here a native speaker would use
_Rin dremh=FCntel dhenrronth sitres=FCt_ "With 13 springs I have
walked".

>=20
> > Yan t'eheranmamen t'imti esero u?
> Ei! Culea i bastean a bychesat?
>=20
> I put the exclamation at the beginning, because at the end it would
> be too much like "..., eh?". _Culea_ "who" has no masculine form,
> even though it's perfectly obvious that a male is being looked for.
> _Bycha_ "to demand" has the inceptive aspect and present tense: she's
> expecting it to happen any moment. "Oh! Who is going to demand the
> heart from me?"
Here I thought "who" in the interlinear translation was the
relative, not the interrogative pronoun.

[snip]

> > "Sero laya", Yudirza yetashmerzo
> Doparne ine cunie laynynat
>=20
> There's some ambiguity here: either the big sister says that she
> (herself) is pretty, or that her little sister is pretty. The
> Valdyan, unintentionally and fortunately, also has it. _Doparne_
> could also mean "big brother", by the way. _Cunie_ "pretty" is a new
> word from the Spare Roots File. "My big sister says I'm pretty".
I took _Yudirza_ as a proper name, because it's capitalized.
_Nollalvet_ is made up of a root NOL- "old" and _lalet_ "sibling"
plus a female infix, -v(a)-. ("Brother" is _lalm=FCt_, with a
male infix -m(u)- umlauted by the following -e-.


The corrected version:

Tum! I p=FCltamth bramek.                       Poom! Plums they fall.
Rin dremh=FCntel dhendonth sitrestat.   With thirteen springs I have walked.
G=EDmnilaqai q=FCnth san =FCth=E1n?             Who will ask for my heart?
P=E0ql=F3n ven san nedhuar.                     Thick and black is my hair
"Sar qgast", bur Nollalvet.             Me, I'm beautiful, says Eldersister
Sarn i ieden qg=E9dnerai k=FCr=E1th             Someone give now some silk to me
per rrap okles s=ECn qgast.             for I'm beautiful like a cherry flower.


The corrected verses:

Rin  dremh=FCntel dhenrronth sitres=FCt
with thirteen   springs    PRF.walk.1sPAST

_rin_: "with, accompanied by"
_dhenrron_: new word, ancient root /'zenere/,
Drasel=E9q /'Dener/, /Denr/- "movement, upsurging",
and the agentive suffix -on.

G=EDmnilaqai    q=FCnth san =FCth=E1n?
ask_for.3sFUT who   my  heart.ACC

The interrogative pronoun is left in place.

Hope that's all... :)


--Pablo Flores