TRANS: a haiku

I've decided to try my hand at haiku, so here is one
sample. It lacks finesse, I'm afraid, but it's only a
start. Miraculously, I was able to compose it in Spanish,
translate into Draseléq and into English, and keep the
structure in all three versions:

Spanish:

    Si todo es verde
    y cae el sol y hay viento
    estoy en casa


Draseléq:

    Be dimai tanqáth
    mi bram bais mi nedai
    olmas faik arsat


English:

    If everything's green
    and sun falls and there's wind
    I am here at home


The Spanish version takes advantage of liaison (or whatever
makes _y hay_ one syllable /jaj/ instead of two /i'aj/,
how do you call it?) to keep the number of syllables, and
the English needs _here at_ as /'hi.rat/; the Draseléq
version is totally 'clean' on that respect. I suppose the
'season word' could be 'green' or 'wind'; there's not a
'cutting word' proper, though the last line comes out quite
abruptly.

Comments?


--Pablo Flores
  http://www.geocities.com/pablo-david/index.html
  ... I cannot combine any characters that the divine Library
  has not foreseen, which in some of its secret tongues do not
  bear some terrible meaning. No-one can articulate a syllable
  not filled of caresses and fears; which is not, in some one
  of those languages, the powerful name of a god...
                   Jorge Luis Borges, _The Library of Babel_