OT: Notice of Revocation of Independence
|From:||Mark J. Reed <markjreed@...>|
|Date:||Sunday, December 12, 2004, 0:02|
You may have seen this before . . . but I thought the new law to learn
to distinguish British from Australian accents was apropos. :)
----- Forwarded message -----
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE TO CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF
In light of your failure to make the correct decision in electing your
President, thus showing you to be unfit to govern yourselves, we hereby
give you notice of the revocation of your independence effective as of
Monday 8th November 2004.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she doesn't much fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair M.P., for the 97.85% of
you unaware of the outside world) will appoint a Minister for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated in twelve months' time to
determine if any of you noticed.
To aid your transition into a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. All citizens are to look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary. While there, check the pronunciation guide for "aluminium" -
this may be surprising for you. Generally attempt to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same 27
words interspersed with "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable form of
communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English". We will let Microsoft know
on your behalf.
3. Learn to distinguish British and Australian accents. It's not
4. Hollywood will henceforth be required to occasionally cast Englishmen
as good guys.
5. Re-learn your original anthem, "God Save the Queen". Please ensure
that you have complied with the first law before attempting this.
6. Stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
"football". What you refer to as "football" is not a very good game. The
2.15% of you aware of a world outside of your borders may have noticed
that no one else plays it. Play proper football instead; to start with
get the girls to help you - it is a difficult game. Those of you brave
enough will, eventually, be allowed to play rugby, which is similar to
American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies.
7. Declare war on Quebec and France, using nukes if they give you any
merde. The 97.85% of you unaware of the outside world should count
yourselves lucky - the Russians have never really been bad guys. "Merde"
is French for "sh*t".
8. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. 2nd November will be the new
9. American cars are hereby banned. They are crap; it's for your own
good. When we show you German cars, you'll understand.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. Its been driving us crazy.
----- End forwarded message -----