Theiling Online    Sitemap    Conlang Mailing List HQ   

CHAT: a mixylinguistic staggerpoem

From:John Cowan <cowan@...>
Date:Monday, February 25, 2002, 1:50
This is off-topic for Conlang, but it certainly isn't on-topic for
anything else.  My only contribution was typographical.  Enjoy!

Ballade de bonne doctrine
  Ballad of Good Doctrine
    A Bug in the Ear
      Villon's Straight Tip
        Doug's Cross Tip
 A ceulx de mauvaise vie
   To Those of Evil Life
     To All Children of Darkness
       To All Cross Coves
         To All Straight Wives

Car ou soyes porteur de bulles,
  Ye who be smugglers of papal bulls,
    Whether you counterfeit your brass
      Suppose you screeve? or go cheap-jack?
        Ye who be snookered by slick papal bulls,
 Pipeur ou hazardeur de dez,
   Or cheaters at dice, whatever be ye --
     and end so oiled you boil and bake;
       Or fake the broads? or fig a nag?
         Play dumb like a broad, deride Canny Nags,
Tailleur de faulx coings, tu te brusles,
  Coiners who risk life and limb like fools,
    traitors whose credit wouldn't pass;
      Or thimble-rig? or knap a yack?
        Ye suckseeding sexpots, ye fembots, ye fools
 Comme ceulx qui sont eschaudez,
   Then boil in hot oil for their felony,
     or peddle pardons; learn to shake
       Or pitch a snide? or smash a rag?
         Ye bimbos who blurt snide remarks about Hags --
 Traistres parjurs, de foy vuydez ;
   Traitors disloyal -- ye know who ye be --
     the loaded dice; or maybe take
       Suppose you duff? or nose and lag?
         So how come ye powder your noses for stags?
Soyes larron, ravis ou pilles :
  Stealers of jewles, of perfume and pearls:
    to filching in and out of doors --
      Or get the straight, and land your pot?
        Ye wearers of pearsl, of perfume and jewels,
 Où en va l'acquest, que cuydez ?
   So where goes it all, that ye get in fee?
     where does it go, the money you make?
       How do you melt the multy swag?
         Why twitches your butt? your tail why wags?
Tout aux tavernes & aux filles.
  All to the taverns and to the girls.
    All to the taverns and the whores.
      Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
        All for the phallacies and for the snools.

Ryme, raille, cymballe, luttes,
  Rhyming and jesting, cymbals and lutes --
    Rhyme or rail or clash your brass,
      Fiddle, or fence, or mace, or mack;
        Your flappers and jabbers and jerkalike jocks,
 Comme fol, fainctif, eshontez ;
   Don ye these emblems of minstrelsy.
     like shameless fools that always fake;
       Or moskeneer, or flash the drag;
         Your maskuline queens, gaily flashing in drag,
Farce, brouille, joue des fleustes ;
  Farce and imbroglio, music of flutes --
    mime, mum, or try some magic pass;
      Dead-lurk a crib, or do a crack;
        Your lickspittles, louts, cockaludicrous cocks,
 Fais, ès villes & ès citez,
   Try these in hamlets or Gay Paree.
     or if in towns and cities, make
       Pad with a slang, or chuck a fag;
         With fake-padded bras for some clock-foolish fag,
 Fainctes, jeux & moralitez ;
   Go mumming in masque or mystery,
     miracles, mysteries, jigs; or take
       Bonnet, or tout, or mump and gag;
         Your bonnies who tout their god-rods till they gag,
Gaigne au berlanc, au glic, aux quilles,
  Win money at cards, or at ninepin hurls.
    a trick or two or skittle scores --
      Rattle the tats, or mark the spot;
        Flaunting their plug-ugly nineteen-inch tools;
 Aussi bien va -- or escoutez --
   But 'tis of no use1  It'll flow, hear ye me,
     soon gained, soon gone!  (You still awake?)
       You can not bank a single stag;
         Ye wives can not hook a Single Strange Bag
Tout aux tavernes & aux filles.
  All to the taverns and to the girls.
    All to the taverns and the whores.
      Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
        With all of your phallacies and all your snools.

De telz ordures te reculles ;
  Ye shrink before such a hard-knocks school --
    If depths like these are not your class,
      Suppose you try a different tack,
        Ye shrink before husbandly hard-on cock schools,
 Laboure, fauche champs & prez ;
   Play safe, then, with honester husbandry:
     then plough up fields or drive a rake;
       And on the square you flash your flag?
         And with us Queer Norns would flash your flag?
Serz & pense chevaulx & mulles,
  Of horses be grooms, go tend to a mule,
    or turn to doctoring horse and ass.
      At penny-a-lining make your whack,
        With Horses go Wild? come Spin with us Mules?
 S'auculnement tu n'es lettrez ;
   Plow ye the fields, here and there plant a tree.
     But only if you cannot take
       Or with the mummers mug and gag?
         Or with Wicked Monsters go Skew and Zig-zag?
 Assez auras, se prens en grez.
   And should ye be short on Latinity,
     to book and pen.  A crust you'll make.
       For nix, for nix, the dibbs you bag!
         O Nix, Lusty Nix, all the Dykes ye would snag,
Mais, se chanvre broyes ou tilles,
  As lowly in learning as poor pleasant churls,
    Yet if you've slaved at prison chores
      At any graft, no matter what,
        If ye axed all your clock-driven, death-luvvin' ghouls!
 Ne tens ton labour qu'as ouvrez
   Just work, lest your hard-earned pennies flee
     you haven't lifted loot to take
       Your merry goblins soon stravag:
         Our Merry daily Gabblings would soon be your jag,
Tout aux tavernes & aux filles.
  All to the taverns and to the girls.
    all to the taverns and the whores.
      Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
        If ye chopped all your phallacies and all your snools.

      The Moral:
 Chausses, pourpoins esguilletez,
   Your stockings and doublets, your fine drapery,
     Before you do much worse then, take
       It's up the spout and Charley Wag
         But up spouts the popebot (that vatican wag);
Robes, & toutes voz drappilles,
  Every last rag that around ye furls,
    trousers and shoes and all that's yours,
      With wipes and tickers and what not.
        O pity the wifebot who drools for his stools,
 Ains que vous fassiez piz, portez
   Ere ye be done, will have slipped, ye shall see,
     gowns and the silks for your own sake
       Until the squeezer nips your scrag,
         And unless the Weird Hexes can save her poor scrag,
Tout aux tavernes & aux filles.
  All to the taverns and to the girls.
    all to the taverns and the whores.
      Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
        Falls prey-gnant to phallacies and to the snools.

  --Stacpoole de Vere/Hofstadter

John Cowan     
To say that Bilbo's breath was taken away is no description at all.  There
are no words left to express his staggerment, since Men changed the language
that they learned of elves in the days when all the world was wonderful.
        --_The Hobbit_