Re: Translating from a conlang into a conlang

Boudewijn Rempt wrote:

> The text:
> Xipu! Manxuri penerar
> Sero t'erneno beryakari yashnar
> Yan t'eheranmamen t'imti esero u?
> Galla esero ka chenam ye bangu
> "Sero laya", Yudirza yetashmerzo
> P'a ajir avaneranmamen sero
> Tima lyn sero lodha manve.
Here's the direct, straight, prose version in Ge'arthnuns:

But! Chu"k ave'zhesheseksup la vurwaz.
Si' cho" stebso"v mno" toufi'bo"v no"i.
Cheths li' cha i'ansat si'nat ho"nsko"meth?
Cho" ze'du"bs si'b la hab zho" e'fu"b no"i.
Si' la c,e'men no"i, arsfen cha kfains si'n la hengevec,o" ngamath.
Shaho"cheths la si't hi'leso"lde'n,
Vac,te si' la techetneken chauk mferursaud sfen no"i.

But! Chu"k ave'zhesheseksup la vurwaz.
plop! the-pl. plum-nom./pl. pres. fall

Si' cho" stebso"v mno" toufi'bo"v no"i.
I-nom. the spring-loc. thirteenth-loc. be

(The normal expression for age is "I'm in my nth year". "I'm in my nth
spring" will probably register with Ge'arthnuns speakers as an "exotic"
way to express the same concept -- as "many moons ago" has a (at least
Hollywood) Native American feel in American English.)

Cheths li' cha i'ansat si'nat ho"nsko"meth?
who-nom. fut. the heart-acc. my-acc. ask-for-interrogative

Cho" ze'du"bs si'b la hab zho" e'fu"b no"i.
the hair-nom. my-nom. pres. thick-nom. and black-nom. be

Si' la c,e'men no"i, arsfen cha kfains si'n la hengevec,o" ngamath.
I-nom. pres. pretty-nom. be, as the sister-nom. my-nom. pres. thus say

Shaho"cheths la si't hi'leso"lde'n,
someone-nom. pres. I-acc. court/woo-hortative

Vac,te si' la techetneken chauk mferursaud sfen no"i.
because I-nom. pres. beautiful-nom. the-pl.
cherry-blossom-postpositional/pl. as/like be

Since who "I" is is unspecified by name (in fact, as Boudewijn wrote it
[and I missed the "ghost of a young girl" in the original post], I first
assumed a male. Okay, so men don't normally use flower and fruit imagery
to describe themselves and wouldn't often pitch their hair as a selling
point [although, Samson-like, I took it as a sign of virility]. The deal
with who "sister" was got a little weird -- but I assumed, a la Chinese
mountain folk songs, that [prospective or current] lovers could address
one another as "brother" and "sister". So "sister" said the singer is
beautiful, but for some reason is not his actual lover. Oh, unrequited
love! Why won't someone court me?! Amazing how one can keep blazing down
the wrong trail based on one little misassumption. Today, it was "Oh,
it's a woman! D'oh!<smack forehead>"), the Ge'arthnuns adjective has to
default. Modern Ge'arthnuns technically has no genders, but the -n
ending on the nominative adjective (and a woman's singing voice) will be
interpreted by most speakers as an unnamed female in this instance.

Now such a translation would hardly set a Ge'arthnuns speaker's toes
a-tappin'. It's up for grabs, not knowing what Boudewijn's melody might
sound like, but something song-like in Ge'arthnuns *might* look like
this:

Ave'zhesheseksu"p chu"k,
But, vurwazalo"ku"p rhu"k.
Si' stebso"v mno" toufi'bo"v cho".
Cha i'ansat si'nat nsko"methalo"th, cheths li' ho"?
Cho" ze'du"ks si'b
La hab zho" e'fu"b.
Si' la c,e'men,
Hengevec,o" ngamathalo"n, cha kfains si'ten.
Shaho"ceths la si't hi'so"lde'n!
Vac,te si' techetneken,
Chauk mferau-ursaud sfen.

Ave'zhesheseksu"p chu"k,
Plums the,

But, vurwazalo"ku"p rhu"k.
Plop, falling they.

Si' stebso"v mno" toufi'bo"v cho".
I in-spring thirteenth the.

Cha i'ansat si'nat nsko"methalo"th, cheths li' ho"?
The heart my asking-for, who will (there/it be)?

Cho" ze'du"ks si'b
The hair my

La hab zho" e'fu"b.
Pres. thick and black.

Si' la c,e'men,
I pres. pretty,

Hengevec,o" ngamathalo"n, cha kfains si'ten.
Thus saying, the sister my.

Shaho"ceths la si't hi'so"lde'n!
Someone pres. me court(hortative)!

Vac,te si' techetneken,
Because I beautiful,

Chauk mferau-ursaud sfen.
The cherry-blossoms like.

Obviously, a lot of poetic license here. A little too reliant on
participles to get us to the rhyme for my taste, but it'll have to do
for now. "Si'b" and "e'fu"b" are near-rhymes, but I believe German
allows this. Nor does "hi"leso"lde'n" technically rhyme with
"techetneken" and "sfen", but hey, we're singing. There are two
variations possible for "my": "si'b" and "si'teb"; the former sounds
more poetic and higher-style than the latter, so I used it exclusively
in the prose version and mostly in the song-version. In the song
version, I opted for more colloquial "si'ten" with "my sister" to get
the rhyme and have a smoother rhythm. "Cherry-blossom" in the first is
"mferurs" -- "mfers" is "cherry" and "urs" is "blossom" and the above
combo is the standard way to express this concept. In the song version,
"mferau-urs" is used. This is the more common way to form a compound
noun in Ge'arthnuns, but this particular form is not normally used
because its a little cumbersome pronunciation-wise. I use it here 'cause
the added syllable helps rhythm.

Kou