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Re: Translation exercise: Li Bai's "Drinking alone under the moon"

From:Wesley Parish <wes.parish@...>
Date:Monday, September 2, 2002, 9:47
On Mon, 02 Sep 2002 08:06, Christian Thalmann wrote:
> Hey, thanx for the translation exercise. It was fun, and I needed to > create surprisingly few new words. I guess the reason why I put it > off so long was that its poetic nature at first made it seem more > difficult than it is. > > I especially enjoyed naming the Milky Way in Obrenje. What do you > guys call it in your langs? Unlike constellations, which are very > much dependent on the local stellar neighborhood, all human or alien > cultures will see the bulk of their native galaxy in their night > sky... except if they're in some lonely intergalactic star system.
Hmmm ... I had started work on a story set on a planet around a star in the outer halo of the Milky Way, colonised by humans over many, many centuries. I hadn't started on a conlang for it, but I was thinking something along the lines of Circassian/Georgian/Abkhazian, with a taste of Armenian and Azeribaijani, but I put it off because I don't know much of Georgian, and nothing of the others. And all because there's lines in a song I heard in the early nineties that keep running through my head: "Out in the perimeter, there are no stars\ "We are as stoned immaculate" and I don't know who sings it, or if it is still available, or what. It just seemed a good basis for a story. Wesley Parish
> And I assume the Ebisedi have something entirely different anyway. ;-) > > > > "Drinking Alone Under the Moon" in Obrenje > ****************************************** > > > 2002 by Christian Thalmann <cinga (at) gmx (dot) net> > > > > Source Text: > > > Drinking Alone Under the Moon > > A jug of wine amidst the flowers: > drinking alone, with no friend near. > Raising my cup, I beckon the bright moon; > My shadow included, we're a party of three. > Although the moon's unused to drinking, > And the shadow only apes my every move, > For the moment I'll just take them as they are, > Enjoying spring when it is here. > Reeling shadow, swaying moon, > Attend my dance and song. > Still sober, we rejoice together; > Drunk, each takes his leave. > To seal forever such a friendship, > Let's rendezvous beyond the Milky Way. > > (Lin Bai) > > > > Plain Translation: > > > Tsulea cemwe dwon suree. > > Pere ombe sow zamie, > Tsulea cemwe, taso naq u dasni. > Dinnemma xim oljo trybze i suree ilni, > Laq xim kowol naja ryl onza. > Memwe tsulea tapojoa suree, > A tse cenow ze lamme kowole tatsammu, > Ti lize ramanza je banje moe, > Nawamma i pallade roj em firoa. > Kowol furoldamma, sure rullamma, > Kellele i xim fajde a lawne. > Muj kilni lemwe galimoze, > Muj tsulni nu prid nacej zae. > Bla guneddae i tinje naqa navize, > O lineze dri arole lire. > > > > Interlinear: > > > Tsulea cemwe dwon suree. > /tsM"le:a "sEmw@ dwOn sM"re:/ > drink:GND alone:ADV under moon:d > > "A drinking alone under the Moon." > > > Pere ombe sow zamie, > /pe:r "Omb@ sow za"mi:/ > bottle wine among flower:d > > "A wine bottle among the flowers," > > > Tsulea cemwe, taso naq u dasni. > /tsM"le:a "sEmw@ "ta:sO naN M "dasni/ > drink:GND alone:ADV none friend PRE near > > "A drinking alone, no friend [is] near." > > --> Poetic style element: A juxtaposition of a nominative and a > predicative phrase is parsed as a predicate statement even > without the otherwise obligatory copula. I feel so naughty. ;-) > > > Dinnemma xim oljo trybze i suree ilni, > /din"nEmma zim "OljO "trybZi sM"re: "ilni/ > raise:LIQ:PTC POS:1 cup beckon:1 OBJ moon:d bright > > "Raising my cup I beckon to the bright moon," > > > Laq xim kowol naja ryl onza. > /lan ziN kO"wOl "na:ja ryl "Onza/ > COM POS:1 shadow society three be:LIQ:1 > > "With my shadow we are being a three-group." > > > Memwe tsulea tapojoa suree, > /"mEmw@ tsM"le:a tapO"jo:a sM"re:/ > despite drink:GND NEG:be_used_to:GND moon:d > > "Despite the moon's not being used to drinking," > > --> A gerund having another gerund as a fronted predicative object. > Isn't grammar fun? ;-) > > > A tse cenow ze lamme kowole tatsammu, > /a tS# snow Z@ "lamm@ kO"wo:l ta"tsammM/ > and TSE only PER:1:OBJ imitate shadow:d NEG:understanding:ADV > > "And the fact that the shadow only thoughtlessly imitates me," > > > Ti lize ramanza je banje moe, > /ti li:Z ra"manza jE "banj@ mo:/ > this moment accept:LIQ:1 PER:3a:OBJ how:REL be:3i > > "Right now I am accepting them the way they are." > > > Nawamma i pallade roj em firoa. > /na"wamma i pal"la:d roj Em hi"ro:a/ > savor:LIQ:1 OBJ spring:d through POS:3 be_present:GND > > "I am savoring the spring during its presence." > > > Kowol furoldamma, sure rullamma, > /kO"wOl furOl"damma su:r rMl"lamma/ > shadow stumble:LIQ:PTC moon sway:LIQ:PTC > > "Stumbling shadow, swaying moon," > > > Kellele i xim fajde a lawne. > /k@l"le:l i zim "fajda "lawn/ > observe:FUT:2 OBJ POS:1 dance and song > > "You will observe my dance and song." > > > Muj kilni lemwe galimoze, > /mMj "kilni "lEmw@ gali"mo:Z/ > as sober together rejoice:1 > > "Sober, we rejoice together," > > --> |Kilni| primarily means "clear, transparent", being derived from > > |kil| "glass", but "sober" is a fixed idiomatic meaning in such > > a context. > > > Muj tsulni nu prid nacej zae. > /mMj "tsMlni nM prid na"sej za:/ > as drunk PER:RFL:PRE remove:3e each PER:1 > > "Drunk, each of us removes themselves." > > --> "To remove oneself" is not meant to sound comical or crude -- it's > simply an idiomatic expression like German "sich entfernen". > > > Bla guneddae i tinje naqa navize, > /bla gMn@d"da: i "tinj@ "na:Na na"vi:Z/ > for seal:GND OBJ such friendship forever > > "For sealing such a friendship forever," > > > O lineze dri arole lire. > /O li"ne:Z dri a"ro:l li:r/ > OPT meet:FUT:1 behind river:d star > > "That we meet behind the River of Stars." > > --> Obviously, "River of Stars" is what the Obrenaj call the Milky > Way. I like the expression, although it means I can't use the > name for a real river in Obrenaja anymore. Ah well, you can't > make drazno without breaking a few nuts. > > > > 2002 by Christian Thalmann <cinga (at) gmx (dot) net>
-- Mau e ki, "He aha te mea nui?" You ask, "What is the most important thing?" Maku e ki, "He tangata, he tangata, he tangata." I reply, "It is people, it is people, it is people."