Re: Translation exercise: Li Bai's "Drinking alone under the moon"

On Mon, 02 Sep 2002 08:06, Christian Thalmann wrote:
> Hey, thanx for the translation exercise.  It was fun, and I needed to
> create surprisingly few new words.  I guess the reason why I put it
> off so long was that its poetic nature at first made it seem more
> difficult than it is.
>
> I especially enjoyed naming the Milky Way in Obrenje.  What do you
> guys call it in your langs?  Unlike constellations, which are very
> much dependent on the local stellar neighborhood, all human or alien
> cultures will see the bulk of their native galaxy in their night
> sky... except if they're in some lonely intergalactic star system.
Hmmm ...  I had started work on a story set on a planet around a star in the
outer halo of the Milky Way, colonised by humans over many, many centuries.
I hadn't started on a conlang for it, but I was thinking something along the
lines of Circassian/Georgian/Abkhazian, with a taste of Armenian and
Azeribaijani, but I put it off because I don't know much of Georgian, and
nothing of the others.

And all because there's lines in a song I heard in the early nineties that
keep running through my head:

"Out in the perimeter, there are no stars\
"We are as stoned immaculate"

and I don't know who sings it, or if it is still available, or what.  It just
seemed a good basis for a story.

Wesley Parish

> And I assume the Ebisedi have something entirely different anyway.  ;-)
>
>
>
> "Drinking Alone Under the Moon" in Obrenje
> ******************************************
>
>
> 2002 by Christian Thalmann <cinga (at) gmx (dot) net>
>
>
>
> Source Text:
>
>
> Drinking Alone Under the Moon
>
> A jug of wine amidst the flowers:
> drinking alone, with no friend near.
> Raising my cup, I beckon the bright moon;
> My shadow included, we're a party of three.
> Although the moon's unused to drinking,
> And the shadow only apes my every move,
> For the moment I'll just take them as they are,
> Enjoying spring when it is here.
> Reeling shadow, swaying moon,
> Attend my dance and song.
> Still sober, we rejoice together;
> Drunk, each takes his leave.
> To seal forever such a friendship,
> Let's rendezvous beyond the Milky Way.
>
> (Lin Bai)
>
>
>
> Plain Translation:
>
>
> Tsulea cemwe dwon suree.
>
> Pere ombe sow zamie,
> Tsulea cemwe, taso naq u dasni.
> Dinnemma xim oljo trybze i suree ilni,
> Laq xim kowol naja ryl onza.
> Memwe tsulea tapojoa suree,
> A tse cenow ze lamme kowole tatsammu,
> Ti lize ramanza je banje moe,
> Nawamma i pallade roj em firoa.
> Kowol furoldamma, sure rullamma,
> Kellele i xim fajde a lawne.
> Muj kilni lemwe galimoze,
> Muj tsulni nu prid nacej zae.
> Bla guneddae i tinje naqa navize,
> O lineze dri arole lire.
>
>
>
> Interlinear:
>
>
> Tsulea     cemwe      dwon   suree.
> /tsM"le:a  "sEmw@     dwOn   sM"re:/
> drink:GND  alone:ADV  under  moon:d
>
> "A drinking alone under the Moon."
>
>
> Pere    ombe   sow    zamie,
> /pe:r   "Omb@  sow    za"mi:/
> bottle  wine   among  flower:d
>
> "A wine bottle among the flowers,"
>
>
> Tsulea     cemwe,     taso    naq     u    dasni.
> /tsM"le:a  "sEmw@     "ta:sO  naN     M    "dasni/
> drink:GND  alone:ADV  none    friend  PRE  near
>
> "A drinking alone, no friend [is] near."
>
> --> Poetic style element: A juxtaposition of a nominative and a
>     predicative phrase is parsed as a predicate statement even
>     without the otherwise obligatory copula.  I feel so naughty.  ;-)
>
>
> Dinnemma       xim    oljo   trybze     i       suree   ilni,
> /din"nEmma     zim    "OljO  "trybZi            sM"re:  "ilni/
> raise:LIQ:PTC  POS:1  cup    beckon:1   OBJ     moon:d  bright
>
> "Raising my cup I beckon to the bright moon,"
>
>
> Laq   xim    kowol   naja     ryl    onza.
> /lan  ziN    kO"wOl  "na:ja   ryl    "Onza/
> COM   POS:1  shadow  society  three  be:LIQ:1
>
> "With my shadow we are being a three-group."
>
>
> Memwe    tsulea     tapojoa             suree,
> /"mEmw@  tsM"le:a   tapO"jo:a           sM"re:/
> despite  drink:GND  NEG:be_used_to:GND  moon:d
>
> "Despite the moon's not being used to drinking,"
>
> --> A gerund having another gerund as a fronted predicative object.
>     Isn't grammar fun?  ;-)
>
>
> A    tse  cenow  ze         lamme    kowole    tatsammu,
> /a   tS#  snow   Z@         "lamm@   kO"wo:l   ta"tsammM/
> and  TSE  only   PER:1:OBJ  imitate  shadow:d  NEG:understanding:ADV
>
> "And the fact that the shadow only thoughtlessly imitates me,"
>
>
> Ti    lize    ramanza       je          banje    moe,
> /ti   li:Z    ra"manza      jE          "banj@   mo:/
> this  moment  accept:LIQ:1  PER:3a:OBJ  how:REL  be:3i
>
> "Right now I am accepting them the way they are."
>
>
> Nawamma      i    pallade   roj      em     firoa.
> /na"wamma    i    pal"la:d  roj      Em     hi"ro:a/
> savor:LIQ:1  OBJ  spring:d  through  POS:3  be_present:GND
>
> "I am savoring the spring during its presence."
>
>
> Kowol    furoldamma,      sure  rullamma,
> /kO"wOl  furOl"damma      su:r  rMl"lamma/
> shadow   stumble:LIQ:PTC  moon  sway:LIQ:PTC
>
> "Stumbling shadow, swaying moon,"
>
>
> Kellele        i    xim    fajde   a    lawne.
> /k@l"le:l      i    zim    "fajda       "lawn/
> observe:FUT:2  OBJ  POS:1  dance   and  song
>
> "You will observe my dance and song."
>
>
> Muj   kilni   lemwe     galimoze,
> /mMj  "kilni  "lEmw@    gali"mo:Z/
> as    sober   together  rejoice:1
>
> "Sober, we rejoice together,"
>
> --> |Kilni| primarily means "clear, transparent", being derived from
>
>     |kil| "glass", but "sober" is a fixed idiomatic meaning in such
>
>     a context.
>
>
> Muj   tsulni   nu           prid       nacej   zae.
> /mMj  "tsMlni  nM           prid       na"sej  za:/
> as    drunk    PER:RFL:PRE  remove:3e  each    PER:1
>
> "Drunk, each of us removes themselves."
>
> --> "To remove oneself" is not meant to sound comical or crude -- it's
>     simply an idiomatic expression like German "sich entfernen".
>
>
> Bla   guneddae   i    tinje   naqa        navize,
> /bla  gMn@d"da:  i    "tinj@  "na:Na      na"vi:Z/
> for   seal:GND   OBJ  such    friendship  forever
>
> "For sealing such a friendship forever,"
>
>
> O    lineze      dri     arole    lire.
> /O   li"ne:Z     dri     a"ro:l   li:r/
> OPT  meet:FUT:1  behind  river:d  star
>
> "That we meet behind the River of Stars."
>
> --> Obviously, "River of Stars" is what the Obrenaj call the Milky
>     Way.  I like the expression, although it means I can't use the
>     name for a real river in Obrenaja anymore.  Ah well, you can't
>     make drazno without breaking a few nuts.
>
>
>
> 2002 by Christian Thalmann <cinga (at) gmx (dot) net>
--
Mau e ki, "He aha te mea nui?"
You ask, "What is the most important thing?"
Maku e ki, "He tangata, he tangata, he tangata."
I reply, "It is people, it is people, it is people."