Re: Translation exercise: Li Bai's "Drinking alone under the moon"

Hey, thanx for the translation exercise.  It was fun, and I needed to
create surprisingly few new words.  I guess the reason why I put it
off so long was that its poetic nature at first made it seem more
difficult than it is.

I especially enjoyed naming the Milky Way in Obrenje.  What do you
guys call it in your langs?  Unlike constellations, which are very
much dependent on the local stellar neighborhood, all human or alien
cultures will see the bulk of their native galaxy in their night
sky... except if they're in some lonely intergalactic star system.
And I assume the Ebisedi have something entirely different anyway.  ;-)



"Drinking Alone Under the Moon" in Obrenje
******************************************


2002 by Christian Thalmann <cinga (at) gmx (dot) net>



Source Text:


Drinking Alone Under the Moon

A jug of wine amidst the flowers:
drinking alone, with no friend near.
Raising my cup, I beckon the bright moon;
My shadow included, we're a party of three.
Although the moon's unused to drinking,
And the shadow only apes my every move,
For the moment I'll just take them as they are,
Enjoying spring when it is here.
Reeling shadow, swaying moon,
Attend my dance and song.
Still sober, we rejoice together;
Drunk, each takes his leave.
To seal forever such a friendship,
Let's rendezvous beyond the Milky Way.

(Lin Bai)



Plain Translation:


Tsulea cemwe dwon suree.

Pere ombe sow zamie,
Tsulea cemwe, taso naq u dasni.
Dinnemma xim oljo trybze i suree ilni,
Laq xim kowol naja ryl onza.
Memwe tsulea tapojoa suree,
A tse cenow ze lamme kowole tatsammu,
Ti lize ramanza je banje moe,
Nawamma i pallade roj em firoa.
Kowol furoldamma, sure rullamma,
Kellele i xim fajde a lawne.
Muj kilni lemwe galimoze,
Muj tsulni nu prid nacej zae.
Bla guneddae i tinje naqa navize,
O lineze dri arole lire.



Interlinear:


Tsulea     cemwe      dwon   suree.
/tsM"le:a  "sEmw@     dwOn   sM"re:/
drink:GND  alone:ADV  under  moon:d

"A drinking alone under the Moon."


Pere    ombe   sow    zamie,
/pe:r   "Omb@  sow    za"mi:/
bottle  wine   among  flower:d

"A wine bottle among the flowers,"


Tsulea     cemwe,     taso    naq     u    dasni.
/tsM"le:a  "sEmw@     "ta:sO  naN     M    "dasni/
drink:GND  alone:ADV  none    friend  PRE  near

"A drinking alone, no friend [is] near."

--> Poetic style element: A juxtaposition of a nominative and a
    predicative phrase is parsed as a predicate statement even
    without the otherwise obligatory copula.  I feel so naughty.  ;-)


Dinnemma       xim    oljo   trybze     i       suree   ilni,
/din"nEmma     zim    "OljO  "trybZi            sM"re:  "ilni/
raise:LIQ:PTC  POS:1  cup    beckon:1   OBJ     moon:d  bright

"Raising my cup I beckon to the bright moon,"


Laq   xim    kowol   naja     ryl    onza.
/lan  ziN    kO"wOl  "na:ja   ryl    "Onza/
COM   POS:1  shadow  society  three  be:LIQ:1

"With my shadow we are being a three-group."


Memwe    tsulea     tapojoa             suree,
/"mEmw@  tsM"le:a   tapO"jo:a           sM"re:/
despite  drink:GND  NEG:be_used_to:GND  moon:d

"Despite the moon's not being used to drinking,"

--> A gerund having another gerund as a fronted predicative object.
    Isn't grammar fun?  ;-)


A    tse  cenow  ze         lamme    kowole    tatsammu,
/a   tS#  snow   Z@         "lamm@   kO"wo:l   ta"tsammM/
and  TSE  only   PER:1:OBJ  imitate  shadow:d  NEG:understanding:ADV

"And the fact that the shadow only thoughtlessly imitates me,"


Ti    lize    ramanza       je          banje    moe,
/ti   li:Z    ra"manza      jE          "banj@   mo:/
this  moment  accept:LIQ:1  PER:3a:OBJ  how:REL  be:3i

"Right now I am accepting them the way they are."


Nawamma      i    pallade   roj      em     firoa.
/na"wamma    i    pal"la:d  roj      Em     hi"ro:a/
savor:LIQ:1  OBJ  spring:d  through  POS:3  be_present:GND

"I am savoring the spring during its presence."


Kowol    furoldamma,      sure  rullamma,
/kO"wOl  furOl"damma      su:r  rMl"lamma/
shadow   stumble:LIQ:PTC  moon  sway:LIQ:PTC

"Stumbling shadow, swaying moon,"


Kellele        i    xim    fajde   a    lawne.
/k@l"le:l      i    zim    "fajda       "lawn/
observe:FUT:2  OBJ  POS:1  dance   and  song

"You will observe my dance and song."


Muj   kilni   lemwe     galimoze,
/mMj  "kilni  "lEmw@    gali"mo:Z/
as    sober   together  rejoice:1

"Sober, we rejoice together,"

--> |Kilni| primarily means "clear, transparent", being derived from
    |kil| "glass", but "sober" is a fixed idiomatic meaning in such
    a context.


Muj   tsulni   nu           prid       nacej   zae.
/mMj  "tsMlni  nM           prid       na"sej  za:/
as    drunk    PER:RFL:PRE  remove:3e  each    PER:1

"Drunk, each of us removes themselves."

--> "To remove oneself" is not meant to sound comical or crude -- it's
    simply an idiomatic expression like German "sich entfernen".


Bla   guneddae   i    tinje   naqa        navize,
/bla  gMn@d"da:  i    "tinj@  "na:Na      na"vi:Z/
for   seal:GND   OBJ  such    friendship  forever

"For sealing such a friendship forever,"


O    lineze      dri     arole    lire.
/O   li"ne:Z     dri     a"ro:l   li:r/
OPT  meet:FUT:1  behind  river:d  star

"That we meet behind the River of Stars."

--> Obviously, "River of Stars" is what the Obrenaj call the Milky
    Way.  I like the expression, although it means I can't use the
    name for a real river in Obrenaja anymore.  Ah well, you can't
    make drazno without breaking a few nuts.



2002 by Christian Thalmann <cinga (at) gmx (dot) net>

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