From: "Sally Caves" <scaves@...>
Subject: Re: Shadow and Dawn
> Oh God... I did it again. I even *addressed* the letter to Joe's original
> post. But I saw Jake's lovely translation first. I'm going nuts.
I figured that's what happened. No problem.
> Too many
> words. Sorry Joe! Let me tell you again that this is great poem. I think
> it would be better if you turned "hath" into "has" in the last lines; for
> some reason the archaism jars for me. What do you think? My advice is
> worth what you paid for it--nothing. The rhyming, the imagery, and the
> message are quite wonderful. And so few poets rhyme anymore.
I'd probably not change "hath" in this poem. It often seems like the
natural word to use, in fact I've even used it in conversation before.
Probably a result of reading too much stuff that's older and not talking to
enough "modern" people.