Re: Shadow and Dawn
| From: | Sally Caves <scaves@...> |
|---|
| Date: | Monday, May 26, 2003, 16:01 |
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Oh God... I did it again. I even *addressed* the letter to Joe's original
post. But I saw Jake's lovely translation first. I'm going nuts. Too many
words. Sorry Joe! Let me tell you again that this is great poem. I think
it would be better if you turned "hath" into "has" in the last lines; for
some reason the archaism jars for me. What do you think? My advice is
worth what you paid for it--nothing. The rhyming, the imagery, and the
message are quite wonderful. And so few poets rhyme anymore.
Sally Caves
scaves@frontiernet.net
Eskkoat ol ai sendran, rohsan nuehra celyil takrem bomai nakuo.
"My shadow follows me, putting strange, new roses into the world."
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jake X" <starvingpoet@...>
To: <CONLANG@...>
Sent: Monday, May 26, 2003 11:08 AM
Subject: Re: Shadow and Dawn
> ['s&li r\oUt]:
>
>
> > I think "Shadow and Dawn" is so fine a poem, Jake, that Teonaht could
> never
> > do it justice.
> I can't take credit for the original. I only made the translation.
> Joseph Fatula, I believe, wrote the English.
>
> But thank you for thinking of me.
>
> Jake
>
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