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Re: Poetry Translation Challenge

From:# 1 <salut_vous_autre@...>
Date:Friday, November 25, 2005, 2:36
Gary Shannon wrote:

>Just for fun: Translate this poem to your favorite >conlang: > > -- elokuno animata -- > >ami i anke e atelu >ami i anlu e asoli >aki isi anikoto u ami >alami ikanto anofi ami >uwe ate ipo ikila? > >The poem is in Larry Sulky's Elomi and a dictionary >can >be found here: > >The form of the poem is called elokuno, or greater >eloku, >and is similar to Haiku, but since elomi words are >longer, >it has 5 lines with 9, 9, 11, 11, and 9 syllables. > >Use whatever poetic form is best for your own conlang >translation.
I've finally achieved to translate it into Vbazi. I remember my grammar but I cannot remember most of the morphemes so it has been long. But I did it! (remembering: |q|=/N/, |y|=/E/, plosive+|h|=plosive+aspiration, |'| indicates that the following consonant is sylabic) Elokunog njele didnabiizi ai phyqiizi balnajaliizi ai kazneheliizi gilyi zaltj'l vi de zgykebi gilyi hiwbj'l gyn de gleqebi dzeidevgiv'lnyle liw'l? So it makes 8, 11, 9, 10, 8... which is not very beautiful. But I can solve this. If I replace "-balnaja-" which means the moon in its larger sense by "-bvalna-" which means "full moon" and that I cut the final e in "-kaznehe-" that means sun, and if I contract the "de" dynamic marker on the verb it modifies I can get it to 8, 9, 8, 9, 8 which is better. (Since the apostrophe already has a meaning, I think I will use the hyphen to indicate contractions of two words, but I still hesitate among the hyphen, the coma, the colon, the quotation mark, and "x".) This would be like this: Elokunog njele didnabiizi ai phyqiizi bvalnaliizi ai kaznehiizi gilyi zaltj'l vi d-zgykebi gilyi hiwbj'l gyn d-gleqebi dzeidevgiv'lnyle liw'l? Here is the interlinear: didnab – iiz - i ai phyq – iiz – i sky identity 1st.sng. & ground i.c. 1.S. copula bvalnal – iiz - i ai kazneh – iiz – i full moon i.c. 1.S. & (from kaznehe) i.c. 1.S. sun gi – lyi zalt - j'l vi d – zgyk – eb – i my sng. work acc. day (from de) watch/ 3.S. transitive dynamic look at (agrees suffix marker with work) gi - lyi hiwb - j'l gyn d - gleq – eb – i my sng. joy/fun acc. night d.m. sing 3.S t.s. dzei – dev - giv'lnyl - e (l) - i - w'l? question (from de+ve) understand 2.S (because “i” follows 1.S dat. marker d.m.+can(prefix) a word ending in vowel l is inserted) This was a fun exercise to do. I should do it more often to practice in Vbazi. - Max