Re: Further stanza's and a melody

Boudewijn Rempt <bsarempt@...> wrote:

> After having seen a number of beautiful translations of the first
> stanza of the Den'Naha song, I thought that it might be a good idea to =
post the
> remainder, too, in order to promote understanding of the context and th=
ings
> like that. Besides, it gave me an opportunity to gloss the rest of the
> text, something I hadn't done before.
>=20
> The first stanza I give with some indication of the music, just an indi=
cation
> of where to trill, where to climb and where to descend the scales, nota=
ted by
> Irina from my singing. Singing in this style is never note-perfect, so =
this is
> an entirely adequate way of describing the melody. Every stanza is sung
> to more or less the same melody.
>=20
> By default, every phrase begins on the same note; higher or lower is ma=
rked.

Well, I couldn't match the melody, but anyway, here
are the other stanzas in Drasel=E9q:


II

Xipu! Manxu.ri penera.r
      plum.p   fall.PRS
Tum! I   p=FCltamth bramek
     PRT plums    fall.3p

Sero  t'e.r.neno   berya.deryo relshna.r
1sHGH have.PRS.DUR 10.4        summer.p
Rin  kladhuadnel niffionth sitrestat
with fourteen    summers   PRF.walk.1sACT

_kladhuadnel_ is klad-dhuad- "two-(times)-seven"
_niffion_ "summer" is nif-vion, "heat-season"
(_vion_ means "part, division, province, season, department")


Tau ajim      t'eheran.ze.men t'imti e.sero    u!
NEG young.man ask_for.EXP.AFF   heart  POS.1sHGH EXCL
Vel   titht renhadh g=EDmnilaqai    fr=FC=E8th san =FCth=E1n!
among young man.GRP ask_for.3sFUT nobody my  heart.ACC


Yudirci        e.sero    t'e.t'e  berya.kari azhemu
younger_sister POS.1sHGH have.DUP 10.3       year
Rin  dremh=FCntel d=F9tth tres    san tidhlalvet=20
with thirteen   years walk.3s my  younger_sister

Ye  sera  k'ari     chuam.lei  laya     ajum
and 3sHGH yesterday marry.PRT1 handsome man
mi  =E4mol m=E8p enqal=FCaq    ev=E1iathtel renn
and ago  day marry.3sPST handsome   man.ACC

_=E4mol m=E8p_ "(one) day ago"
ev=E1i-ath- "presenceful", used of people who seem to
have a certain force around them.


P'a ajir    avaneran.ma.men sero
ADH someone court.FUT1.AFF  1sHGH
Sarn  i   ieden qg=E9dnerai    k=FCr=E1th
I.ACC PRT silk  give.SUBJ.3s someone

At'a   sero  ghadza lodha perve=20
before 1sHGH die    like  snowdrop
fan    thros  ar=F3sfar=ECnerg sar
before die.1s snow.COMP    I

_ar=F3sfar=ECn_ "snow" is borrowed, hence its strange long
sound. The Dr=E1selhadh had never seen snow before coming to
the new lands; the Biy=FAza, to the south, named it like that
and then the word spread. In proper Drasel=E9q the word would
have been _lostfl=ECn_, from the same roots, lost- "cold" and
_fl=ECn_ "rain".

Note the COMParative case; it transforms a noun
into another noun that can also be used as a modifier.
Here _sar_ "I" is modified by _ar=F3sfar=ECnerg_ "like snow".
There's another way to express this comparison (see
below).


III

Xipu! Manxu.ri penera.r
EXCL  plum.p   fall.PRS
Tum! I   p=FCltamth bramek
     PRT plums    fall.3p

Sero  t'e.r.neno   berya.loryo raxna.r
1sHGH have.PRS.DUR 10.5        autumn.p
Rin  dhismastel skrimath sitrestat
with fifteen    autumns  PRF.walk.1sACT

Tautau  ajim t'eheran.ze.r t'imti e.sero    u!
NEG.DUP man  court.PRF.PRS heart  POS.1sHGH EXCL
San =FCthar=FCr   i   ieden farsira=FCav       freth ren!
my  heart.LOC PRT silk  NEG.PRF.place.3s no    man

Naha   tewir.lei    sero  ok=E9    netu
mother lock_up.PRT1 1sHGH behind wall
Au     h=E8g  sirenth=E0m=FCaq   san nerrid
behind wall PRF.lock.3sPST my  mother

T'an shemai maizing      weru e.yudirci
GEN  sew    wedding_gown 2    poss.younger_sister
anth glestien na  tidhlalvet     enqaltres   iedenthn
this sew.OBJ  for younger_sister wedding.GEN silk.PLU.ACC

_glestien_ "in order to sew"
_ieden_ means "silk", but also, and due to the same custom
that originated the idiom "give silk" =3D "court", the plural
means "(wedding) dress".


P'a ajir    avaneran.ma.men sero
ADH someone court.FUT1.AFF  1sHGH
Sarn  i   ieden qg=E9dnerai       k=FCr=E1th
I.ACC PRT silk  give.SUBJ.3sACT someone

At'a   sero  ghadza lodha s=FCve
before 1sHGH die    like  poppy
fan    thros  q=E1isinderg     sar
before die.1s redflower.COMP I


IV

Xipu! Manxu.ri penera.r
EXCL  plum.p   fall.PRS
Tum! I   p=FCltamth bramek
     PRT plums    fall.3p

Sero  t'e.r.neno   berhasri perhnar
1sHGH have.PRS.DUR 16       winter.p
Rin  tarrednel losfionth sitrestat
with sixteen   winters   PRF.walk.1sACT

Ye  tauna ajim t'eheran.ma t'imti esero     u!
and never man  court.FUT1  heart  POS.1sHGH EXCL
mi  san =FCthar=FCr   i   ieden fremp =E1=FCavaqai    ren!
and my  heart.LOC PRT silk  never place.3sFUT man

"on my heart never a man will place silk" =3D
=3D "no man will ever court me"

Tima    k'ari     yetan t'an sero  ghadza
because yesterday night GEN  1sHGH die
Per =E4mol lu=E0m  thros=FCt   sar
cos ago  night die.1sPST I

_=E4mol lu=E0m_ "(one) night ago"


T'an gedel  cravain t'imti esero     reka
GEN  lonely sorrow  heart  POS.1sHGH LOC
gi     thendel rin  slurur  san =FCth=E1r
due_to lonely  with sadness my  heart

P'a tajir  koloranma    sero
ADH no-one imitate.FUT1 1sHGH
Muinsil sqa  sar g=FC'faqai fr=FC=E8th
equally like I   do.3sFUT nobody

Tima    sero  ghadza lodha choive
because 1sHGH die    like  cornflower
per thros  =E9ssalsinderg    sar
cos die.1s blueflower.COMP I


V

Ladna.r! P'a t'an wenta e.sero    gihatu
people.p ADH GEN  story POS.1sHGH listen
Faik giadh!  T=F3lenaver    san themar
here you.PLU listen.2pFUT my  story

Note that FUTure means also imperative in Drasel=E9q,
in the 2nd person (and it has some imperative connotations
in the other persons).


P'a chuam at'a   tau.chuam.jinu
ADH marry before NEG.marry.POT
Fan    thurfarenqalten  a  enq=E1ltotasier  giadh
before POS.NEG.marrying oh marry.MV.2pFUT you.PLU

"before it is/becomes impossible to marry,
you will/must get married".


Tima    sero  laya      lodha manve
Because 1sHGH beautiful like  cherry-blossom
Per rrap okles      s=ECn    qgast
cos like cherry.GEN flower beautiful.1s

Sero  lesha lodha perve
1sHGH fresh like  snowdrop
Per plens    ar=F3sfar=ECnerg sar
cos green.1s snow.COMP    I

_plens_ "I am green" in the sense of "unripe"
(the green colour is _dimel_)


Sero  xixi   lodha s=FCve
1sHGH tender like  poppy
Per runet       q=E1isinderg     sar
cos delicate.1s redflower.COMP I

_runet_=3D "I'm delicate, I'm like a drawing made
with a fine point pen" (sort of).


Tarna sero  ghadza lodha choive!
but   1sHGH die    like  cornflower
anth rrap =E9ssalsin   thros  tadh!
this like blueflower die.1s however

_anth_ is meaningless here, just a resumptive to
join the last sentence to the previous one; I
could have done it with _tadh_ "however", which
also functions as "but", but I wanted to keep a
rhythm and a certain rhyme (the last four verses
end with _qgast, sar, sar, tadh_.


As you may have noticed, there are three ways to
form a comparison: with the comparative case, as in
_thros ar=F3sfar=ECnerg sar_ "I die like snow", with
the preposition _rrap_ as in _rrap =E9ssalsin thros_
"like a blue flower I die", and a different sense,
with _sqa_, as in _sqa sar g=FC'faqai fr=FC=E8th_=20
"like I (did) nobody will do".

Phew! It was hard, but fun. And it's a beautiful
song. I really have to congratulate you -- I've never
been able to write a good song or poem, let alone in
a foreign language, let alone with a melody!


--Pablo Flores

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
En gian idgrivar fr=FAmneltel frasi=E9rraser gian pavonn
be i malladhar siqged=FCer.

"Don't blame your enemy for your disgrace=20
 if you've just given them a chance."

(Traditional Dr=E1selhadh saying)