Re: TRANS: a haiku

Nik Taylor <fortytwo@...> wrote:


>FFlores wrote:
>>     Si todo es verde
>>     y cae el sol y hay viento
>>     estoy en casa
>>
>> Draseléq:
>>
>>     Be dimai tanqáth
>>     mi bram bais mi nedai
>>     olmas faik arsat
>>
>> English:
>>
>>     If everything's green
>>     and sun falls and there's wind
>>     I am here at home
>
>In the Spanish, I count 6/8/5, in the Draseléq, I count 5/6/5 (assuming
>"ai" is a single syllable, 6/8/6 if not), and in the English, I count
>5/6/5.  Don't haikus have to be 5/7/5?  Is there a liason between _todo
>es_ and _cae el_?  The English could be fixed by using _there is_
>instead of _there's_.
Seems like I was asleep, right? In the Spanish version, yes, there's
a lot of liaison:

>>     Si todo_es verde
        1  2  3    4  5

>>     y cae_el sol y_hay viento
       1  2 3    4   5      6  7

>>     estoy en casa
       1  2  3   4 5

In Draseléq, the second line should be

>>     mi bramai bais mi nedai
              ^^
Don't know why I used _bram_ in habitual tense, when
all the other verbs are in actual present -- must have
counted the syllables in a previous version and the
mistake stood. Same goes for the English; the second line
could be one of

>>     and the sun falls and there's wind
>>     and there falls sun and there's wind *
>>     and sun falls and there is wind
(* Can you use "there falls"? I seems just right to me...
The idea can be that the sun sets *or* that sunlight is
pouring over the scene, which would account for this.)


--Pablo Flores
  http://www.geocities.com/pablo-david/index.html
  ... I cannot combine any characters that the divine Library
  has not foreseen, which in some of its secret tongues do not
  bear some terrible meaning. No-one can articulate a syllable
  not filled of caresses and fears; which is not, in some one
  of those languages, the powerful name of a god...
                   Jorge Luis Borges, _The Library of Babel_