Re: Translation exercise: Li Bai's "Drinking alone under the moon"

On 08/25 14:06  Thomas R. Wier wrote:
> One of my favorite poems by Li Bai is the following, which
> I've decided to use to build my Phaleran vocabulary and
> to develop a sense of how Phaleran poetics is fashioned.
> (To the latter end, this is only a partial answer:  it's
> more or less a prose translation with a few poetic features.)
> Unfortunately, I broke the cardinal rule of translating:
> translating from a translation.  But alas! I have not
> yet learnt Classical Chinese, so my translation will have
> to stand as is until that time.  I'd be interested to see
> what other people did with the same poem, and questions
> and critiques would be welcome.
>
I'm surprised that no one else has attempted this translation.  The
challenge I decided was to translate it from Phaleran to 2.0 with as
little guidance from the English translation as possible.  This proved
to be trickier than I thought as I am unfamiliar with the descriptive
terminology for the Phaleran grammar.  So Thomas will have to tell me if
I got any of the tenses wrong. :)

Chretini cachbano cruc:
Me drig ya solenite, yab coverye.
Me sangel bolhyin, gi calimen olya pyam
Cam me cens caninan, meme ve cesbene tottri.
E, olya ve bedricca,
Pomaca caninan rit sai ga coipante,
Domaca m'atempi cette,
Gi purahen chaullanshan.
Caninan epohchi, olya bebeculan
Vo me gachalit ya'm gechan dim.
Meme ve sen castalai, halhadamme ve vonone;
Meme nashtonen, domacamme reren.
Soim da chedalen halce coveran,
Mem'hyennen ditrug sirate astena.

Chretini cachbano cruc:
flower.PL.ADV wine.PART jug

Me drig ya solenite, yab coverye.
1s drink.PRES.1s ASSOC loneliness.DAT, ASSOC.NEG friend.PL.DAT

Me sangel bolhyin, gi calimen olya pyam
1s CAUS.rise.PRES.1s bowl.DIM GERUND call.INF moon bright

Cam me cens caninan, meme ve cesbene tottri.
if 1s include.PRES.1s shadow 1PL NONPRES count.FUT CLAS.three

E, olya ve bedricca,
although moon NONPRES HAB.drink.PAST

Pomaca caninan rit sai ga coipante,
CONSEQ.CONJ shadow copy.PRES.3s PL manner.PL

Domaca m'atempi[1] cette,
IMMEDIATE.CONJ 1s INTENT.accept.PRES.1s like.DEMON.PRON

Gi purahen chaullanshan.
GERUND enjoy.INF spring

Caninan epohchi, olya bebeculan
shadow NEG.firm.ADJ moon swaying

Vo me gachalit ya'm gechan dim.
See.IMP 1s dance ASSOC.1s song POSS.1s

Meme ve sen castalai, halhadamme ve vonone;
1PL NONPRES be.FUT sober together.1PL NONPRES celebrate.FUT

Meme nashtonen, domacamme reren.
1PL COMPLETIVE.be_drunk.1PL IMMEDIATE.CONJ.1PL leave.PRES.1PL

Soim da chedalen halce coveran,
REL INF tie.INF such friendship

Mem'hyennen ditrug sirate astena[2].
1PL meet.pres.1PL beyond way.DAT hero.GEN.PL

[1] used in a weaker sense to mean 'suppose' rather than 'intend'.

[2] the Gwonentan believe the Milky Way is the path that heroes travel
to enter the afterlife.

> Drinking Alone Under the Moon
>
> A jug of wine amidst the flowers:
> drinking alone, with no friend near.
> Raising my cup, I beckon the bright moon;
> My shadow included, we're a party of three.
> Although the moon's unused to drinking,
> And the shadow only apes my every move,
> For the moment I'll just take them as they are,
> Enjoying spring when it is here.
> Reeling shadow, swaying moon,
> Attend my dance and song.
> Still sober, we rejoice together;
> Drunk, each takes his leave.
> To seal forever such a friendship,
> Let's rendezvous beyond the Milky Way.
>
> Uxeikû lâr nasegwanti seiweristi
>
> Teteþusû ouwu lumáxekû iphèix:
> Tsheofâkû yor pacâusuo seiweristi.
> Âr xoþagwasti, lauyîxei râphiswandi
> sûmaiswâstâs naiorwa, hwaya eo myûnâtlùl.
> Foi, uxei eoi seiweusû othâmmintîs,
> hai naiorw' aphès pentâ k'eahusyossi,
> swongan siw' ûl ainkoswaltîs,
> hai Euwes hwo polwamiltîs.
> iwainaiorwa, hluruxei,
> ebaxuo lurekawoi azhèrismi.
> Eioxerîmtâs, ûtþix phixaiorîmtâs;
> râk'urintmâs, thînòrintmâs.
>  ti âmearswa siw' ûl ûhye,
> uwenalga Ámblakûrnû er.
>

- andrew.
--
Andrew Smith, Intheologus                         hobbit@griffler.co.nz
alias Mungo Foxburr of Loamsdown
http://hobbit.griffler.co.nz/homepage.html

It was a species which often considered itself to be, basically, a race
of divinely inspired toolmakers; any intelligent entity from Arcturus
would instantly have perceived them to be, basically, a race of
impassioned after-dinner speech-makers.
                           - Walter Miller Jr, A Canticle for Leibowitz

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