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Re: Translation exercise: Li Bai's "Drinking alone under the moon"

From:andrew <hobbit@...>
Date:Saturday, August 31, 2002, 6:22
On 08/25 14:06  Thomas R. Wier wrote:
> One of my favorite poems by Li Bai is the following, which > I've decided to use to build my Phaleran vocabulary and > to develop a sense of how Phaleran poetics is fashioned. > (To the latter end, this is only a partial answer: it's > more or less a prose translation with a few poetic features.) > Unfortunately, I broke the cardinal rule of translating: > translating from a translation. But alas! I have not > yet learnt Classical Chinese, so my translation will have > to stand as is until that time. I'd be interested to see > what other people did with the same poem, and questions > and critiques would be welcome. >
I'm surprised that no one else has attempted this translation. The challenge I decided was to translate it from Phaleran to 2.0 with as little guidance from the English translation as possible. This proved to be trickier than I thought as I am unfamiliar with the descriptive terminology for the Phaleran grammar. So Thomas will have to tell me if I got any of the tenses wrong. :) Chretini cachbano cruc: Me drig ya solenite, yab coverye. Me sangel bolhyin, gi calimen olya pyam Cam me cens caninan, meme ve cesbene tottri. E, olya ve bedricca, Pomaca caninan rit sai ga coipante, Domaca m'atempi cette, Gi purahen chaullanshan. Caninan epohchi, olya bebeculan Vo me gachalit ya'm gechan dim. Meme ve sen castalai, halhadamme ve vonone; Meme nashtonen, domacamme reren. Soim da chedalen halce coveran, Mem'hyennen ditrug sirate astena. Chretini cachbano cruc: flower.PL.ADV wine.PART jug Me drig ya solenite, yab coverye. 1s drink.PRES.1s ASSOC loneliness.DAT, ASSOC.NEG friend.PL.DAT Me sangel bolhyin, gi calimen olya pyam 1s CAUS.rise.PRES.1s bowl.DIM GERUND call.INF moon bright Cam me cens caninan, meme ve cesbene tottri. if 1s include.PRES.1s shadow 1PL NONPRES count.FUT CLAS.three E, olya ve bedricca, although moon NONPRES HAB.drink.PAST Pomaca caninan rit sai ga coipante, CONSEQ.CONJ shadow copy.PRES.3s PL manner.PL Domaca m'atempi[1] cette, IMMEDIATE.CONJ 1s INTENT.accept.PRES.1s like.DEMON.PRON Gi purahen chaullanshan. GERUND enjoy.INF spring Caninan epohchi, olya bebeculan shadow NEG.firm.ADJ moon swaying Vo me gachalit ya'm gechan dim. See.IMP 1s dance ASSOC.1s song POSS.1s Meme ve sen castalai, halhadamme ve vonone; 1PL NONPRES be.FUT sober together.1PL NONPRES celebrate.FUT Meme nashtonen, domacamme reren. 1PL COMPLETIVE.be_drunk.1PL IMMEDIATE.CONJ.1PL leave.PRES.1PL Soim da chedalen halce coveran, REL INF tie.INF such friendship Mem'hyennen ditrug sirate astena[2]. 1PL meet.pres.1PL beyond way.DAT hero.GEN.PL [1] used in a weaker sense to mean 'suppose' rather than 'intend'. [2] the Gwonentan believe the Milky Way is the path that heroes travel to enter the afterlife.
> Drinking Alone Under the Moon > > A jug of wine amidst the flowers: > drinking alone, with no friend near. > Raising my cup, I beckon the bright moon; > My shadow included, we're a party of three. > Although the moon's unused to drinking, > And the shadow only apes my every move, > For the moment I'll just take them as they are, > Enjoying spring when it is here. > Reeling shadow, swaying moon, > Attend my dance and song. > Still sober, we rejoice together; > Drunk, each takes his leave. > To seal forever such a friendship, > Let's rendezvous beyond the Milky Way. > > Uxeikû lâr nasegwanti seiweristi > > Teteþusû ouwu lumáxekû iphèix: > Tsheofâkû yor pacâusuo seiweristi. > Âr xoþagwasti, lauyîxei râphiswandi > sûmaiswâstâs naiorwa, hwaya eo myûnâtlùl. > Foi, uxei eoi seiweusû othâmmintîs, > hai naiorw' aphès pentâ k'eahusyossi, > swongan siw' ûl ainkoswaltîs, > hai Euwes hwo polwamiltîs. > iwainaiorwa, hluruxei, > ebaxuo lurekawoi azhèrismi. > Eioxerîmtâs, ûtþix phixaiorîmtâs; > râk'urintmâs, thînòrintmâs. > ti âmearswa siw' ûl ûhye, > uwenalga Ámblakûrnû er. >
- andrew. -- Andrew Smith, Intheologus alias Mungo Foxburr of Loamsdown It was a species which often considered itself to be, basically, a race of divinely inspired toolmakers; any intelligent entity from Arcturus would instantly have perceived them to be, basically, a race of impassioned after-dinner speech-makers. - Walter Miller Jr, A Canticle for Leibowitz


Pablo David Flores <pablo-flores@...>
andrew <hobbit@...>