Re: New Conlang-to-conlang translation project

I've done my best to translate this idiomatically, therefore
the translation is not very literal, in places. The language
is basically spoken Denden with some classical influence, as
is usual in narrative. The native Southern Colloquial of the
narrator is clear from certain lexical items.

Text

Fenfentir ga, kedandir neno=EFcu wuzoleini. Neno=EF ka
kelao ga. Tan neno=EF kedandir kelao ga. Tan neno=EF kedan.dir
tayavainyaralei.nuno burgatdir. Burgatdir yavain ga kedan.dir
woniryaraleinai. Tarna ras Talapita burgat yavainjuleinuno.
Sem bridam yadirze desh burgatdir purdirzoleini. T'udan seras
pubirpubiryaraleni. Seras dos denhadir purdirzoleini tan dos
burgatdir p seras tan eseras burgat tek jeratzoleini. Sem
seras tan du denha mozhaz ondan mozhazini ondan p sem seras tan
dot denha taelatet. Denha ta, seras teshitlo nannan, eseras
tan gigar lo, tan teshitlo nan ga, teshitlor seras kelao.dir qazir
tan Vlami belxa ga qirqir.

"Yadirzidir! Hen ga? Serdir belxa qazir ga wonir.hau. Vlami tan
e.seras belxa ga tatagelaw ga!"

Ras seras sem lahirir.

"Aya! Vlami eserir burgat tauga. Vlami tan pubu burgat ga p
serir Vlami taubarini. "

Seras qilawaw.

"Do serdir yavaini, tarna serdir sem do pubirini. "daha do
yuan ga tauyuan, tan do taula ga, do tauwan ga."

Seras geyun taukendir tarna tan gerdan semor p menarar rai. Tan
belxa qazir yadirdir seras menarjuleinai Seras klintarju tan eras
qilaw.


Abbreviations

p           plural
LOC         locative
HON         honorific attitudinal suffix
PT3         third preterite
HAB         habitual aspect
NOM         nomilisation particle,=20
TOP         topic
GEN         genitive
DUR         durative aspect
DSP         despising attitudinal suffix
f           female
3           third person
LGH         low grade honorific
CRT         certainty attitudinal suffix
AUG         augmentative
poss        possessive
EXCL        exclamation

Fen.fentir ga,  kedan.dir  neno=EF.cu    wu.zo.lei.ni.     =20
past.DUP   NOM, ancestor.p village.LOC dwell.HON.PT3.HAB =20

Neno=EF   ka  kelao  ga.  Tan neno=EF   kedan.dir  kelao  ga.
village TOP wicked NOM. GEN village ancestor.p wicked NOM

Long ago the ancestors lived in a village. This village was=20
a wicked village. The ancestors of the village were wicked.

  The Classical word for 'past' is _fen_, the Denden word is
  _fentir_. In order to add a cultured touch to the narrative,
  the speaker uses the classical word, but the language is Denden,
  so the reduplication uses the Denden word. The repetition
  of _kelao_ is typical for spoken narrative. _Kedan_ is the=20
  Southern Colloquial form of Denden _Keda_, ancestor. There is
  no difference between female and male ancestors in any Charyan
  language. The important bloodlines depend on the clan people
  enter when marrying; whether that's the man's or woman's clan
  depends on much negotiation between the concerned clans.

Tan neno=EF   kedan.dir ta.yavain.yara.lei.nuno burgat.dir.=20
GEN village ancestor  NEG.love.DSP.PT3.DUR    god.p

Burgat.dir yavain ga  kedan.dir  wonir.yara.lei.nai.
god.p      love   NOM ancestor.p stop.DSP.PT3.PRF

Tarna ras    Talapita burgat yavain.ju.lei.nuno.
but   3fpLGH Tlap=EDt=E1  god    love.CRT.PT3.DUR

The ancestors of the village didn't love the gods.
Loving the gods the ancestors had ceased. But they
certainly loved the goddess Tlap=EDt=E1.

  A bit difficult, this one. Of course, these are the
  village ancestors - and that means they deserve the high
  grade honorific pronouns at the very least. But they have
  deserted the gods, and that's so foolish, one can only apply
  the despising verbal attitudinal suffix to their actions.

Sem  bridam yadir.ze  desh burgat.dir purdir.zo.lei.ni.
Only one    woman.AUG all  god.p      pray.HON.PT3.HAB

Only one venerable woman was still praying to all the gods.

T'udan seras pubir.pubir.yara.lei.ni.
other  3sHGH mock.mock.DSP.PT3.HAB

The others were always mocking her.

  Denden doesn't have different words for laugh at and mock -
  _pubir_ belongs to the same allofam as _pubu_ 'fool' and _pu_
  'coarse'. In this case reduplication of the verb does not
  indicate experiential aspect but rather a manifoldness of the verb,
  it is a kind of plural of the verb: more than one kind of mocking
  was going on.


Seras dos denha.dir purdir.zo.lei.ni tan dos burgat.dir=20
3sHGH all day.p     pray.HON.PT3.HAB GEN all god.p

p   seras tan e.seras    burgat tek jerat.zo.lei.ni.
and 3sHGH GEN poss.3sHGH god    oil give.HON.PT3.HAB

She prayed every day to all gods and offered her god
oil.

Sem  seras tan du    denha mozhaz ondan  mozhaz.ini ondan=20
only 3sHGH GEN feast day   kill   animal kill.HAB   animal

p   sem  seras tan dot    denha ta.elatet.
and only 3sHGH GEN hunger day   NEG.eat

Only she would kill a sacrificial animal on feast-days for
killing animals and only she would not eat on hungry days.

  The construction _tan du denha_ 'of the feast day' is quaint - it=20
  is far more standard to say _denha tan du_ 'day of the feast', and=20
  this points to a very southern origin of the translator. _Ondan_
  is a classical word, with the general meaning of 'animal'. Within
  the context this can only mean 'sacrificial animal', since it is
  unlikely that the translator has much knowledge of the liturgical=20
  language, Archaic Charyan, and thus settled for the next best
  (read: ancient) thing.

Denha ta,  seras teshitlo nan.nan, e.seras    tan gigar  lo,  =20
day   this 3sHGH market   walk.EXP poss.1sHGH GEN danger place

tan teshitlo nan  ga, teshitlo.r seras kelao.dir qazir tan Vlami=20
GEN market   walk NOM market.LOC 3sLGH wicked.p  break GEN Vlami=20

belxa ga  qir.qir.
stone NOM see.EXP

On this day she walked to the marketplace, a dangerous place for her,
walking to the marketplace, on the marketplace she saw the wicked ones
breaking the stone of Vlami.

  _Belxa_, 'stone' is altar. For the village-dwelling Charyans
  stones are especially holy. Stones are immensely useful; they
  give a place to make a small fire for cooking in, for instance.

"Yadir.zi.dir!  Hen  ga? Serdir belxa qazir ga  wonir.hau.
 sister.AUG.p   what NOM 2pfHGH stone break NOM stop.IMP

Vlami tan e.seras    belxa ga  ta.ta.gelaw ga!"
Vlami GEN poss.1sHGH stone NOM NEG.NEG.angry NOM

"Elder sisters! What is this? You must stop breaking the stone and
Vlami, of whom it is his stone, will not be wrath."

Ras   seras sem  lahir.ir.
3pLGH 3sHGH only gay.EXP

They only laughed at her.

"Aya! Vlami e.serir    burgat tau.ga.
 EXCL Vlami poss.1pHGH god    NEG.NOM.
=20
"Ha! Vlami is not our god.

Vlami tan pubu burgat ga  p   serir  Vlami taubar.ini. "=20
Vlami GEN fool god    NOM and 1pHGH Vlami hate.HAB

Vlami is a fools' god, and we hate Vlami."

Seras qilaw.aw.
3sHGH angry.EXP.

She became angry.

  _Seras_, in the high grade honorific form, is enough
  to identify our heroine: the other villagers are all
  fools and thus receive the low grade honorific pronouns.

"Do    serdir yavai.ni, tarna serdir sem  do    pubir.ini.
 1sMGH 2pfHGH love.HAB  but   2pfHGH only 1sMGH mock.HAB

"I have always loved you, but you would only mock me.

  Of course, our heroine speaks about herself in the middle
  grade honorific form: it's terribly bad manners to use
  the HGH or VHGH form for yourself unless you are very noble,
  rich or both.
=20
"daha do    yuan ga  tau.yuan, tan do    tau.la     ga,
 if   1sMGH do   NOM NEG.do    GEN 1sMGH NEG.honour NOM

 do    tau.wan       ga."
 1sMGH NEG.honorable NOM.

If I don't do what I do, there wouldn't be honour
to me, I wouldn't be respectable.

  The difference between _la_ and _wan_ is that _la_ is the honour
  you have in an abstact sense, while _wan_ is the honour the world
  accords you. Even if everybody thought you vile and worthless,
  you could have _la_ a-plenty, but you wouldn't have _wan_. On
  the other hand, if you were respectable outward, but are used to
  pinch the kitten in the dark, you might have _wan_, but certainly
  no _la_.

Seras geyun tau.kendir tarna tan gerdan semor p   menar.ar  rai.
3sHGH take  NEG.use    but   GEN meat   knife and cut.DEL   3sLGH

She took out a knife that hadn't be used for anything but
meat and stabbed her.

Tan belxa qazir yadir.dir seras menar.ju.lei.nai
GEN stone break woman.p   3sHGH cut.CRT.PT3.PRF

She stabbed the women who had broken the stone.

Seras klintar.ju tan e.ras      qilaw.
3sHGH fly.CRT    GEN poss.3pLGH anger

She fled before their wrath.

> There's another story that tells how she was tricked=20
> into breaking one of the restrictions
> given to her, and quickly ages and dies.
Isn't it always thus?


Boudewijn Rempt  | www.xs4all.nl/~bsarempt